Another Christmas has come and gone

It seems like just yesterday I started playing my Christmas carols on the radio or with the CD's. The red and green were just beginning to pop up in the stores. Santa hadn't made it to the mall yet. Lights were starting to appear on front lawns. Now we've got trash cans packed to overflowing, there are Christmas dinner leftovers in the fridge, and there's a stack of "return" items waiting by the door.

This Christmas was different then any I had ever had before. My daughter is 2 3/4 and is learning what Christmas is all about. She knows now what the word "Christmas" is, she knows about Santa, AND she can semi sing her way through "Jingle Bells". She left out cookies and milk for Santa, which we were forgot to point out were gone the next morning, for the first time. She wore the big fluffy Christmas dress to the Christmas Eve Service at our chapel, got to hold a lit candle for a few seconds, and did her dancing at the front of the chapel to the verses of "Joy To The World". On Christmas morning we had to prod her along to keep opening up Christmas presents, because she would open one up, see what she likes and then want to play. When her daddy and I would start to open up one of our own, she would take possession of the gift and claim it as, "mine."

What is Christmas without friends and family? Since we live a good 2500 miles away from our closest relatives we had over some friends. People we've gotten to know in the past year and a half we've lived here. We then had three little girls running around giggling and screaming and just having fun while the adults spent there time talking and eatting and enjoying each other's company. This was a change from last year where many were invited and only one showed up. (But a very special one.)

All this to say that I'm sad that Christmas is over. It's now time to take down the tree (or in a few days), tidy up the house, and then make my new year's resolution. This year! I will lose the weight I gained when pregnant with my daughter who is now 2 3/4. *sigh*

Fa-la-la-la-la.... la-la-la-la

Have you ever had the chance...

to ride a horse? For me there is no other feeling than sitting atop a horse... it's pure heaven. There's no feeling to compare. I have found my passion. I love to ride. I would spend my whole day being with her. Just brushing her fur or smelling her nose. :) She gets this unique smell when the air is clear and the sun is shining. I get so relaxed as I brush her and rid her of the days mud. When I finally get on her I get to take her outside and let her have full reign. This is something I'm still learning. Yesterday was more than I imagined. Yesterday I got to let her run. I got to feel her as she had her way. She could run where she wanted and I was along for the ride. It didn't get to last very long, maybe ten minutes or so. But what a ten minutes. What an exhilarating feeling. I wasn't scared for a minute. I knew she would take care of me as we felt the wind in our hair.

Potty Training is for the birds!!!

You know how you get so frustrated you want to scream??? Try to add that to potty training a two year old. AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am soooo over this process. Everyone I talk to says it takes time. EVERYONE!!!!!!! Then there's the people you hate who say their kid learned it in two months or something like that. I'm trying my hardest to ask her to go potty or to tell her she is going to tell me when she has to pee. It's just not working. I am so frustrated I could cry. My daughter is in daycare in the mornings and does great there. Then she comes home and it's like she turns into Mr. Hyde. I can hear her telling herself that "mommy is so much fun to mess with. hee hee hee Watch as I pee myself. See how mad she gets?" UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyone have ANY ideas on how to make this easier??? I'm stuck peeling pooh out of panties and whiping it up off the floor. I've had clothes to change as we're going out the door because she didn't tell me she peed herself. How do you survive this???

HELP!!!!!!!!!

A Night of Firsts

Well tonight it finally happened. I guess it was inevitable. The hubby has been pressing me about making the change for quite some time. The event? Turning our 2 1/2 year old daughters crib into the daybed. *sigh* I'm still not ready and it's already been done. She's in there now... asleep, not realizing the impact this has on her mommy. I haven't cried yet... but I know it's coming. I didn't even get ot be here for the unveiling. I didn't get to see her get excited about the change. I only got to hear about it through said husband. What's next? Him taking her to get her ears pierced or taking her for her drivers license without me? I DON'T THINK SO!!! If any of these happen you can guarantee there will be hell to pay. Not only did all this happen, BUT we were eating out and she told me she had to go potty and she went in the big girls potty. She has NEVER done that before. My little baby is growing up and I'M NOT READY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It seems like it was yesterday that she was shooting poop on the curtains while we changed her. Or when we had to count how many bowel movements she was having to make sure she was getting enough to eat. Where did all the time go??

How Do You Worship?

How do you pay homage to God? What is your worship style? Are you the Contemporary Worship type of person? Traditional? Liturgical? (My hubby's in the ministry that's how I know the big words.) Anyway... how do you make that connection with the Almighty? Do you make the connection? Do you wait for the warm fuzzy to know that you've been worshipping today? Is it just your socialization tool? Is it your clique? Do you make connections with others while you're there?

For many worship is the place you visit on the holiday's. Christmas and Easter. You really don't know your minister's/priest's name. He could have moved and you think the new guy is him. There are those who are on the other end of the spectrum that are at church whenever the doors are open. This is how my hubby and I were brought up. Involved in every activity the church has to offer. Then there are those that want to make it church and just find stuff getting in the way. You worked all week and you want that extra day to laze around and watch TV. Sometimes you make it to worship and enjoy the experience and get on a roll and then you have a rough week at work and you just don't go. It gets easier not to go so you quit for a while. What about those of us whose spouses are ministers and are expected to be there every Sunday rain or shine tornado or sun... kinda like the mailman. Anyway... you're expected to take part in the activities be it Sunday school teacher, choir member, nursery worker, or children's church leader.

I say all this because my worship experience is lacking. I don't seem to "fit" into my surroundings and I can't seem to get past that. It's my fault that I can't seem to connect. I've lived here for over a year and attended the same service all that time. I don't connect with many in the parish. I don't connect with the service even though I sing in the choir. Now due to other responsibilities I attend the service alone. How many people attend a service looking for a connection with someone? Only to never find it. How many go looking for God but experience so many cliques that they don't feel they belong? They think maybe God only wants a certain type of person. They have to be beautiful and married and successful. They need to have the 2.4 kids and the two dogs at home. They have to drive the SUV and be involved up to their eyeballs in the community. Is this the person Jesus reached out to? What about the woman at the well? The leper? The blind men he made see? None of these people were well known in the social circles. Most if not all were ostracized by the community. Where are those people in our churches today? Are we reaching out to them? Or are we sooo happy that Matilda will be there today so we can wear those fabulous shoes we just bought and show them off? When did we forget God? When did we learn to put our social standing above our eternal standing?

I am guilty. Guilty of caring to much about what I look like when I go. Guilty of wanting to be liked and be in the IN group. Guilty of that and so much more. I've personally forgotten what's it's like to have a great worship exerience. I want one so badly I could cry.

Just wondering outloud...

I tried to look up the percentage of American's married. The last census in 1990 came up with something like 55.6 % of American's are married. That's a tad bit over half. There's also the statistic of how close to 50% of marriages end in divorce. So if that's the case... who's staying married?

In two months I will be celebrating my 9th wedding anniversary. That means next year will be 10 years. I can hardly believe it. 10 sounds so much more official and daunting in my book. I recently described what has happened in the almost nine years of marriage. I didn't explain the day to day. The small that stuff that we irritate each other with. Whether it be leaving clothes beside the bed instead of in the hamper (not me). Or is it that the label organized mess has been permanently attached to how your spouse describes you. (guilty) You know when PMS comes around there'll be more arguments and less liking each other. Just like you know when the other is mad when there needs are not met. What is it that holds a marriage together? When the little things add up and you just want to scream at the other person. What makes you stay? My parents divorced when I was twelve years old. They each have their own reasons and their own stories. It is probably why I am terrified of divorce. Yet there have been moments when the idea has been appealing. I know I say this for both of us. You look at where you are and wonder if you are both going in the same direction. Do you have the same goals in life? Are you happy? (Now that's a loaded question.) I know for us there are times when only one of us is holding it together. It is scary... but it also real. You trust this person with your life. With your childs life. With your future. Thus far for us the thought of staying together outweighs the thought of going it alone. I know it's not the case for everyone. I don't get angry at those people who resort to divorce like I did when it happened to my family. I've been there. I've had those thoughts of just giving up. When you just reach the point where you don't care anymore. Then I breathe and I step back and take time. I realize that I love my hubby with everything in me. I may not especially like him at the moment, but I know life without him is not something I want to contemplate. We can sit in the same room and be very upset at each other and know that we still love each other. I've learned much in these nine years. He has taught me a lot. He has taught me to be honest with my feelings and know that as scary as they may be I'm entitled to them. They are mine and no one can take them from me. He's taught me to love even when I don't like. I thought you couldn't do that. I thought you had to love all the time. I'm happy to tell you what a freeing experience that is. It gives you the freedom to be angry and upset and not like them. But they are still there for you when you come in and say "I'm sorry".

Much love to you today!

Peace~

They didn't deserve to win!!!

I just finished watching possibly the most riveting NFL game thus far this season. Buffalo verses Dallas. I was NOT cheering for Dallas. I don't think they deserved to win. No matter how great the Ego TO is or how humble Romo is... when you have six turnovers in one game you should lose all chances of winning. I do NOT like Dallas this year as a football... they rank immediately below New England in my book of teams I can't stand. Bilichek well we've seen how he wins. I immediately think of the old saying... "cheaters never win". Time will tell. Time will tell.