Deep Thoughts

I'm supposed to be writing a paper. Yet here I am with a mind full of everything but 20th Century politics. I am a huge MASH fan. HUGE!! Just ask anyone who knows me. When hubby and I were cast into hell, I mean living in Havasu, Arizona we watched every episode of MASH from beginning to end. Why you may ask? Because we had no TV reception. Tonight as I sat watching it they closed with a song:
Keep the Home Fires Burning,
While your hearts are yearning,
Though your lads are far away
They dream of home.
There's a silver lining
Through the dark clouds shining,
Turn the dark cloud inside out
'Til the boys come home.

I couldn't even make it through the song. I heard the first few lines of the chorus and I was toast. With hubby gone for his six months, the timeline between hearing those kind of songs and bursting into tears has shortened quite considerably. It has me thinking of war. Part of which I'm doing my paper on, or supposed to be working on. Anyway... I was caught up in the war justification back in 2001. It's been seven years and we are hopefully seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Was it successful, I think that is justifiably questionable. It's been said that the media take was dampened quite a bit in the Persian Gulf War. George Bush the elder made sure that the bad news didn't get to us as readily as it has this war. Technology advances have us finding out within minutes what is going on on the other side of the world. Most of the time it's so completely blown out of proportion that you have to take it with a grain of salt. These days I can talk to my hubby on the phone through the use of morale calls. Or I can skype with him and see his pretty face... (lol) or they have the phone centers. We know we are blessed. A friend of ours wasn't so blessed. Her hubby's last few tours were of the non communicado type for the length of the tour. Where am I going with this you ask. Where am I going with this... ? As I sat reading my daughter her bedtime story. She picked the book, Old Turtle by Douglas Wood. I highly recommend these. We got to the middle of the story and this is what I read: "But the people forgot. They forgot that they were a message of love, and a prayer from the earth...and often the people misused their powers, and hurt one another. Or killed one another. And they hurt the earth...Because the people could not remember who they were, or where God was." It's naive for me to assume that God can make all things better. In the ideal world, before the fall, maybe. But in this world we live in where there is much evil and much hatred we have to be stewards of what we are given. Taking care of the earth and of each other. I believe in that God would shine through. We don't need to shove it down people's throats, no standing on street corners thumping our ten pound bibles in peoples faces. What happened to living by example? I think we as American's have neglected our duties of stewardship, drilling for oil in the Arctic, denying that climate change is real, forcing our version of democracy on other people? American's are an ethno-centric people. We think people should accomadate themselves to our thinking. Spread democracy and everyone will get along? Who are we to think our way is better than anyone elses? I love being American, please don't misread what I'm saying. I value my freedom's of religion and speech and many more. Nowhere on earth can I voice my opinion and let it stand as that without some sort of consequences. That's all I'm doing here, I want people to be educated about other countries, our way is not always the right way.

How Do You Worship?

How do you pay homage to God? What is your worship style? Are you the Contemporary Worship type of person? Traditional? Liturgical? (My hubby's in the ministry that's how I know the big words.) Anyway... how do you make that connection with the Almighty? Do you make the connection? Do you wait for the warm fuzzy to know that you've been worshipping today? Is it just your socialization tool? Is it your clique? Do you make connections with others while you're there?

For many worship is the place you visit on the holiday's. Christmas and Easter. You really don't know your minister's/priest's name. He could have moved and you think the new guy is him. There are those who are on the other end of the spectrum that are at church whenever the doors are open. This is how my hubby and I were brought up. Involved in every activity the church has to offer. Then there are those that want to make it church and just find stuff getting in the way. You worked all week and you want that extra day to laze around and watch TV. Sometimes you make it to worship and enjoy the experience and get on a roll and then you have a rough week at work and you just don't go. It gets easier not to go so you quit for a while. What about those of us whose spouses are ministers and are expected to be there every Sunday rain or shine tornado or sun... kinda like the mailman. Anyway... you're expected to take part in the activities be it Sunday school teacher, choir member, nursery worker, or children's church leader.

I say all this because my worship experience is lacking. I don't seem to "fit" into my surroundings and I can't seem to get past that. It's my fault that I can't seem to connect. I've lived here for over a year and attended the same service all that time. I don't connect with many in the parish. I don't connect with the service even though I sing in the choir. Now due to other responsibilities I attend the service alone. How many people attend a service looking for a connection with someone? Only to never find it. How many go looking for God but experience so many cliques that they don't feel they belong? They think maybe God only wants a certain type of person. They have to be beautiful and married and successful. They need to have the 2.4 kids and the two dogs at home. They have to drive the SUV and be involved up to their eyeballs in the community. Is this the person Jesus reached out to? What about the woman at the well? The leper? The blind men he made see? None of these people were well known in the social circles. Most if not all were ostracized by the community. Where are those people in our churches today? Are we reaching out to them? Or are we sooo happy that Matilda will be there today so we can wear those fabulous shoes we just bought and show them off? When did we forget God? When did we learn to put our social standing above our eternal standing?

I am guilty. Guilty of caring to much about what I look like when I go. Guilty of wanting to be liked and be in the IN group. Guilty of that and so much more. I've personally forgotten what's it's like to have a great worship exerience. I want one so badly I could cry.