Another Christmas has come and gone

It seems like just yesterday I started playing my Christmas carols on the radio or with the CD's. The red and green were just beginning to pop up in the stores. Santa hadn't made it to the mall yet. Lights were starting to appear on front lawns. Now we've got trash cans packed to overflowing, there are Christmas dinner leftovers in the fridge, and there's a stack of "return" items waiting by the door.

This Christmas was different then any I had ever had before. My daughter is 2 3/4 and is learning what Christmas is all about. She knows now what the word "Christmas" is, she knows about Santa, AND she can semi sing her way through "Jingle Bells". She left out cookies and milk for Santa, which we were forgot to point out were gone the next morning, for the first time. She wore the big fluffy Christmas dress to the Christmas Eve Service at our chapel, got to hold a lit candle for a few seconds, and did her dancing at the front of the chapel to the verses of "Joy To The World". On Christmas morning we had to prod her along to keep opening up Christmas presents, because she would open one up, see what she likes and then want to play. When her daddy and I would start to open up one of our own, she would take possession of the gift and claim it as, "mine."

What is Christmas without friends and family? Since we live a good 2500 miles away from our closest relatives we had over some friends. People we've gotten to know in the past year and a half we've lived here. We then had three little girls running around giggling and screaming and just having fun while the adults spent there time talking and eatting and enjoying each other's company. This was a change from last year where many were invited and only one showed up. (But a very special one.)

All this to say that I'm sad that Christmas is over. It's now time to take down the tree (or in a few days), tidy up the house, and then make my new year's resolution. This year! I will lose the weight I gained when pregnant with my daughter who is now 2 3/4. *sigh*

Fa-la-la-la-la.... la-la-la-la

Dieting

I want to much to be one of those people who can eat and eat and never gain any weight. I worked with a girl in 98 who LOST weight when she quit working out at the gym. I wish so much that had been my dilemma. I think ever since I can remember I have been on a diet. Whether I needed to or not mind you. When I was in high school and just a tiny person I wanted to be skinnier. I had big calves and was curvy. All the other girls on the cheer leading squad were skinny and petite and had small calves. All except for Kim Lester. She and I used to bond over our muscular calves. We wondered why our were so different than everyone else's. Who knows! Anyway... HS was stressful and I always compared myself to everyone else. I wanted to be small like everyone else.

Then came college and they talked about the Freshman fifteen which I was determined NOT to gain. I think I gained them my Sophomore year. I worked like a fiend to get that weight off. I started running... which if anyone knows me, knows I detest running. I'll run if someone is chasing me or if I have to lose weight. So I ran. I made it to running two miles at a time and I actually enjoyed doing it. Then I fell off the wagon and never got back on. I did lose the weight but the next year and the year after it came back in full force. I wasn't fitting in my high school clothes anymore. I was "maturing", so my weight had to adjust. UGH!!

I got married six months or so after graduating from college. All girls want to look young and fabulous and skinny in their wedding dresses. I was no different. My problem I discovered was that I love to eat. I like the taste of food and don't feel as though I should deprive myself of what I like.

So here I am... a thirty-one year old mother of one and I am STILL trying to lose the baby weight I gained when I was pregnant. My daughter is now two. You'd think it would have been all gone by now... but NO! It's still here. So I am facing many a dilemma. Amidst the stress of dealing with a two year I have had a light bulb moment. I shared this with the hubby and he agreed. I learned that since my baby was born I have put all my attention and care into her. As you may have read we just started daycare. I had no time for me. I didn't give myself and treats or rewards or take anytime for myself because I was watching her 24/7. In my neglect I taught myself that the way I "treated/ rewarded" myself was to eat whatever I wanted. I would eat Oreo's or chocolate chip cookies, or regular Coke, and never exercise. These were my comfort and my taking care of me. Only it's backfired. I've not lost weight I struggle with achy joints and I still can't fit in my pre-pregnancy clothes. I'm miserable! Not only that my I have gone and bought post pregnancy size clothes in addition to the ones that I have that I can't get into. So now I have a closet and a half full of clothes.

My goal is to accept myself for my flaws and still to lose weight. Do you think that's possible?