Dieting

I want to much to be one of those people who can eat and eat and never gain any weight. I worked with a girl in 98 who LOST weight when she quit working out at the gym. I wish so much that had been my dilemma. I think ever since I can remember I have been on a diet. Whether I needed to or not mind you. When I was in high school and just a tiny person I wanted to be skinnier. I had big calves and was curvy. All the other girls on the cheer leading squad were skinny and petite and had small calves. All except for Kim Lester. She and I used to bond over our muscular calves. We wondered why our were so different than everyone else's. Who knows! Anyway... HS was stressful and I always compared myself to everyone else. I wanted to be small like everyone else.

Then came college and they talked about the Freshman fifteen which I was determined NOT to gain. I think I gained them my Sophomore year. I worked like a fiend to get that weight off. I started running... which if anyone knows me, knows I detest running. I'll run if someone is chasing me or if I have to lose weight. So I ran. I made it to running two miles at a time and I actually enjoyed doing it. Then I fell off the wagon and never got back on. I did lose the weight but the next year and the year after it came back in full force. I wasn't fitting in my high school clothes anymore. I was "maturing", so my weight had to adjust. UGH!!

I got married six months or so after graduating from college. All girls want to look young and fabulous and skinny in their wedding dresses. I was no different. My problem I discovered was that I love to eat. I like the taste of food and don't feel as though I should deprive myself of what I like.

So here I am... a thirty-one year old mother of one and I am STILL trying to lose the baby weight I gained when I was pregnant. My daughter is now two. You'd think it would have been all gone by now... but NO! It's still here. So I am facing many a dilemma. Amidst the stress of dealing with a two year I have had a light bulb moment. I shared this with the hubby and he agreed. I learned that since my baby was born I have put all my attention and care into her. As you may have read we just started daycare. I had no time for me. I didn't give myself and treats or rewards or take anytime for myself because I was watching her 24/7. In my neglect I taught myself that the way I "treated/ rewarded" myself was to eat whatever I wanted. I would eat Oreo's or chocolate chip cookies, or regular Coke, and never exercise. These were my comfort and my taking care of me. Only it's backfired. I've not lost weight I struggle with achy joints and I still can't fit in my pre-pregnancy clothes. I'm miserable! Not only that my I have gone and bought post pregnancy size clothes in addition to the ones that I have that I can't get into. So now I have a closet and a half full of clothes.

My goal is to accept myself for my flaws and still to lose weight. Do you think that's possible?

Old Friends...

Jeromy has recently had a friend come visit. He knew this person ten to twelve years ago. Way before he and I ever met. They have sat and reminisced about the old days. I guess I did a little a few blogs back with the friend who's father had passed away. I just wanted to remember some more friends with you.

First there is Mellissa. My best friend from my high school days. We had such a blast back then. We painted together on several projects. Got lost in Baltimore together. Received the Artist of the Year award together. I played softball in high school and one year she managed the boys baseball team. Her government teacher, Mr. Toepher (sp?) was one of the baseball coaches. We decided to play a prank on him and put our sunflower seeds in his shoes. Needless to say he didn't let us have his shoes again... but he was good about it and laughed with us. I remember her first car was a red Ford Fiesta. It was cute. HA!! I remember sitting in Mr. Gallagher's AP English class and she pulled her stitches out from when she'd had her wisdom teeth pulled out. Ah... those were the days.

Next I think of Brooke and the many times she and Rob got together and didn't get together. When we got our pictures taken with Julie. The trip to Detroit with the youth group after my senior year. All the letters she mailed me when I went away to college. She even came to my wedding. So many good times.

Once I went to college I met more friends. Tiffany is my sister to this day. No one have I found who is more like me than Tiffany. The Thursday's at Perkins. I miss those so much. Then her name calling the guy I was dating, "monkey boy". Her very dry sense of humor. The times she spent at the Morristown hospital. I also remember the day she left for Seminary and I missed it. I never got to say goodbye to her. She sang at my wedding and I sang at hers. She was one of my maid's of honor, and I was honored that she was there. I haven't seen her since Homecoming of 2003, and I miss her so much.

Then there's Jen who's the most recent. We shared a pregnancy together. We left her in Arizona. I miss the dinners together and seeing the kids play together. We went to the Christmas parade on the river in 2005, we got there so late we only saw the end of it. HA! It was hilarious. We did the thrift store shopping together. We had the birthday dinner together.

To each of these ladies I share a special bond. One that I will have forever. I stay in touch with each one to a certain extent... we do the emails and forwards and all that. I wish I could see each one and tell them what they mean to me. So instead I'll do it here. Mellissa, the one who taught me what having a best friend is. Brooke, the one who never ceased to amaze me with her ongoing support despite my lack of communication. Tiffany, the sister I didn't get to have. Jen, the one who let me be me and loved me in spite of it. You guys have helped me become who I am today (yes, that's a compliment.) You are my past, my present, and my future and I love you all.