Dieting

I want to much to be one of those people who can eat and eat and never gain any weight. I worked with a girl in 98 who LOST weight when she quit working out at the gym. I wish so much that had been my dilemma. I think ever since I can remember I have been on a diet. Whether I needed to or not mind you. When I was in high school and just a tiny person I wanted to be skinnier. I had big calves and was curvy. All the other girls on the cheer leading squad were skinny and petite and had small calves. All except for Kim Lester. She and I used to bond over our muscular calves. We wondered why our were so different than everyone else's. Who knows! Anyway... HS was stressful and I always compared myself to everyone else. I wanted to be small like everyone else.

Then came college and they talked about the Freshman fifteen which I was determined NOT to gain. I think I gained them my Sophomore year. I worked like a fiend to get that weight off. I started running... which if anyone knows me, knows I detest running. I'll run if someone is chasing me or if I have to lose weight. So I ran. I made it to running two miles at a time and I actually enjoyed doing it. Then I fell off the wagon and never got back on. I did lose the weight but the next year and the year after it came back in full force. I wasn't fitting in my high school clothes anymore. I was "maturing", so my weight had to adjust. UGH!!

I got married six months or so after graduating from college. All girls want to look young and fabulous and skinny in their wedding dresses. I was no different. My problem I discovered was that I love to eat. I like the taste of food and don't feel as though I should deprive myself of what I like.

So here I am... a thirty-one year old mother of one and I am STILL trying to lose the baby weight I gained when I was pregnant. My daughter is now two. You'd think it would have been all gone by now... but NO! It's still here. So I am facing many a dilemma. Amidst the stress of dealing with a two year I have had a light bulb moment. I shared this with the hubby and he agreed. I learned that since my baby was born I have put all my attention and care into her. As you may have read we just started daycare. I had no time for me. I didn't give myself and treats or rewards or take anytime for myself because I was watching her 24/7. In my neglect I taught myself that the way I "treated/ rewarded" myself was to eat whatever I wanted. I would eat Oreo's or chocolate chip cookies, or regular Coke, and never exercise. These were my comfort and my taking care of me. Only it's backfired. I've not lost weight I struggle with achy joints and I still can't fit in my pre-pregnancy clothes. I'm miserable! Not only that my I have gone and bought post pregnancy size clothes in addition to the ones that I have that I can't get into. So now I have a closet and a half full of clothes.

My goal is to accept myself for my flaws and still to lose weight. Do you think that's possible?