I want to much to be one of those people who can eat and eat and never gain any weight. I worked with a girl in 98 who LOST weight when she quit working out at the gym. I wish so much that had been my dilemma. I think ever since I can remember I have been on a diet. Whether I needed to or not mind you. When I was in high school and just a tiny person I wanted to be skinnier. I had big calves and was curvy. All the other girls on the cheer leading squad were skinny and petite and had small calves. All except for Kim Lester. She and I used to bond over our muscular calves. We wondered why our were so different than everyone else's. Who knows! Anyway... HS was stressful and I always compared myself to everyone else. I wanted to be small like everyone else.
Then came college and they talked about the Freshman fifteen which I was determined NOT to gain. I think I gained them my Sophomore year. I worked like a fiend to get that weight off. I started running... which if anyone knows me, knows I detest running. I'll run if someone is chasing me or if I have to lose weight. So I ran. I made it to running two miles at a time and I actually enjoyed doing it. Then I fell off the wagon and never got back on. I did lose the weight but the next year and the year after it came back in full force. I wasn't fitting in my high school clothes anymore. I was "maturing", so my weight had to adjust. UGH!!
I got married six months or so after graduating from college. All girls want to look young and fabulous and skinny in their wedding dresses. I was no different. My problem I discovered was that I love to eat. I like the taste of food and don't feel as though I should deprive myself of what I like.
So here I am... a thirty-one year old mother of one and I am STILL trying to lose the baby weight I gained when I was pregnant. My daughter is now two. You'd think it would have been all gone by now... but NO! It's still here. So I am facing many a dilemma. Amidst the stress of dealing with a two year I have had a light bulb moment. I shared this with the hubby and he agreed. I learned that since my baby was born I have put all my attention and care into her. As you may have read we just started daycare. I had no time for me. I didn't give myself and treats or rewards or take anytime for myself because I was watching her 24/7. In my neglect I taught myself that the way I "treated/ rewarded" myself was to eat whatever I wanted. I would eat Oreo's or chocolate chip cookies, or regular Coke, and never exercise. These were my comfort and my taking care of me. Only it's backfired. I've not lost weight I struggle with achy joints and I still can't fit in my pre-pregnancy clothes. I'm miserable! Not only that my I have gone and bought post pregnancy size clothes in addition to the ones that I have that I can't get into. So now I have a closet and a half full of clothes.
My goal is to accept myself for my flaws and still to lose weight. Do you think that's possible?
2 comments:
It's hard for everyone, unless you are a celebrity and can afford to have someone make your meals and tell you how to work out. I still have most of my baby weight and honestly have no real motivation to lose it. I want to be smaller, but I also don't feel like I have the energy to work at it. I think you should start taking some time for yourself but don't set goals at first. Just start working yourself into some kind of routine while Melina is in daycare and then once you are established in something, then start setting small goals. But just remember that not everyone is going to be stick thin. I know I'm never going to be tiny...I never have been. But, I'm unhealthy the weight that I am, so for my sake, I will be working on trying to get down to a reasonable weight for ME. If you like, we could start some kind of email support or something to try to get us back to where we would like to be. Let me know if you would like to do that. My work email is djacobs@towson.edu and I check it throughout the day. And if you want my home email, it's moviefreak78@gmail.com. Drop me a line if you ever need someone to talk to!
Thanks Pam! I do love reading your blog--it's nice to get a glimpse of your life now and then and see how things are--you're such a good mommy and good at putting your thoughts down! Remember you have a sister in NC in the weight loss struggle!Thanks for sharing with us. Love you much, mel
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