Treasuring those close to you

My hubby and I have been married eight and a half years. Sometimes I can hardly believe it myself. We've experienced a lot of ups and downs in our history together.

We met while he was in college. I had just graduated and was still in the transition period of graduation and real world. Looking for a job. Our first date was May 22. We went to one of the local tourist areas around the college. Had a nice dinner. I started my very first ever official job on July the sixth. Only to come home and have my boyfriend break up with me. I was horrified! It was a Monday. By Friday he was begging me to take him back... no seriously. He couldn't stay away! HA! We went to Wendy's that Friday and we've been together since.

We tell people now that the first year we were married was the hardest we have ever gone through. It still holds true to this day. When you're blending two very independant people and tossing in extra baggage you're sure to come up with some interesting stuff. We survived.

He graduated with his BA in our second year of marriage. Only to have us move to another school for him to work on a Master's Degree. I worked and put him through five years of school. When we were dating there was so much negativity tossed at us because they assumed once we were married he wouldn't finish school. Some friends huh?

We have had some knock down drag out fights. We've pushed and shoved and yelled and cursed. We've said some things that would make your ears turn red. We've been through counseling both before and after we got married. It was probably the best thing we ever did for our marriage.

In 2002 we found out we were pregnant. I cried. I was so not ready to be a mother. I didn't want to do it. When the doctor told me I was horrified. We were having some marital difficulties at the time and we thought this would solve everything. Give us something to put our energy and our love into. I went in for my OBGYN visit and the doc decided to do an ultrasound. He was crazy about the things. Anyway... things didn't look to great. He wanted me to come back the next week. We did. The next visit it was confirmed that we were having a miscarriage. We were devestated. We had finally gotten used to the idea of being parents and were actually happy about it. Now this!! We neither one can remember how we got home that day. My hubby drove us home and I think we never went over 45 mph on the interstate.

That night we had an experience I will never forget. We had an old house that we were renting. We were lucky enough to have a porch swing. I loved sitting on it when it rained. Well it was starting to rain so I went outside. Had my blanket and was swinging and my hubby came out to sit. The rain got heavier and you could hear the thunder coming. As we sat out there on that porch swing we experienced a rain storm like I will never forget. It came in. It surrounded us. It passed us. It was the most spiritual experience I've ever had. God was in that storm. He talked to us and soothed us. We sat there well after it had stopped not wanting the moment to pass. We felt peace. Finally we felt peace.

How do you come back from this? How do you press on? One day at a time. It will be five years this fall since this experience. And I can tell you the whole thing is as real now as it was then.

We have a daughter now. We got pregnant before we moved in 2004. This time it was perfect. We were happy. We knew she would be the icing on the cake... not the glue that held us together. Our daughter we lost was names Eliora (meaning God is my light). We now had a new light.

A lot of time has passed and we have grown. I tell this story as a memory that made me stronger. That made my hubby and I closer.

We both share a love of Nicholas Sparks books. Early on I found a passage that has come to mean a lot to us both. Here it is. It's from The Notebook:

"In times of grief and sorrow I will hold you
and rock you, and take your grief and make it
my own. When you cry, I cry, and when you
hurt, I hurt. And together we will try to hold
back the floods of tears and despair and make
it through the potholed streets of life."

This thing called life...

Life is funny... you know? As little children we're so concerned with growing up. When I grow up I want to be a policeman... a firefighter... an astronaut... a mommy... the list goes on and on. We're in such a hurry to be an adult and have jobs and families. No one thinks about the stress and the anxiety that comes with it. We're children for such a short time. Our childhood needs to be filled with evenings playing until the streetlights come on. Catching lightening bugs. Staying home from school when the snow comes. Fourth of July fireworks. Christmas morning's. Birthday parties. Sitting in daddy's lap. I didn't appreciate my growing up years. Do any of really? We turn around and we're all grown. Do you remember your first love? I was a Sophomore in HS and I was in love. I was a cheerleader and he was Captain of the Academic team. You thought I was going to say football team. Not me... no dumb jocks for me. (Instead I married a smart jock. ;)) Ever remember your first love lost? It was February 1992. I'll never forget it as long as I live. I never did find out what went wrong.

As parents we want our children to be little adults. We forget that they need this time as a child. They've got 60-80 years to behave like an adult. Let them be children. Billy Dean had a song called, "Let Them Be Little"... he writes, "Let them be little 'cause they're only that way for a while Give them hope, give them praise, give them love every day Let them cry, let them giggle, let them sleep in the middle Oh just let them be little."

I'm including a poem I wrote for my daughter.

Not Now

One day
I’ll be able to look back at these times and smile.

One day
she’ll be old enough for me to tell her everything.

One day
she’ll start school and I’ll have to take her to kindergarten.

One day
she’ll graduate from school then she’ll be off for college.

One day
we’ll give her away to a boy-a man-a husband.

One day
she’ll go through labor she’ll call us grandparents.

One day
will come soon enough so I’ll not push her to grow up.

Nothing New Here...

Just thought I would add some lines to this space. Seems it's been quite a while since I graced it with my presence... HA!

It seems this is birthday month here in our house. I have my hubby's birthday this month. My dad's is next. Then I have a cousin's birthday. Then my oldest brother. Then my step-dad. Then there's Father's Day. At the end of the month my aunt has her day. When I go to the store to buy birthday cards it's like nothing I've ever seen before. Except that I do it every year. Not only that, but I have to buy a birthday card and a father's day card for my husband from our daughter. Sheesh!

Birthday's are a reminder that we're human that our days on earth are numbered. Each day needs to be lived to the fullest. No one knows how many they're given. I wonder what it would be like to know how many days or years you would live. I don't think I could do it. Living your life with that hanging over your head. Many people have done it and many still do. The first that leaps to mind is Jesus. He knew growing up what he was meant to do. He didn't like it, but his opinion didn't matter. Did he do anything wrong? Not really. Kind of like in the wrong place at the wrong time. Do any of you wonder why you were born when you were? Why not in the days of George Washington? or Abraham Lincoln? or Moses? Why now? Anyway... as I was saying... the next people I think of are those men or women in prison. On death row. Those awaiting the death penalty. They know the exact date and time when they will breathe their last. I wonder if any of them think about the fellowship they're in. Those who know when they will meet their maker. (Sorry if this is a little morose... I'm just thinking as I go.) Those men and women get their last supper and their last cigarette. Jesus had a last supper. Course I don't think that's what they called it at the time. They didn't know it would be his last. Where as prisoners do. I don't really know where I'm going with this. Just some thoughts.

I guess I just want to be thankful and appreciative of each moment of my life. Do diets matter in the grand scheme of things? Does our life come down to how much money we packed away in our mattress? Did we love enough? Were we loved? Did we spend our life trying to be something we're not?

Each one of us is special. Each one of us matters to someone. Whether we're on death row or in the nursery at the local hospital.