Another Christmas has come and gone

It seems like just yesterday I started playing my Christmas carols on the radio or with the CD's. The red and green were just beginning to pop up in the stores. Santa hadn't made it to the mall yet. Lights were starting to appear on front lawns. Now we've got trash cans packed to overflowing, there are Christmas dinner leftovers in the fridge, and there's a stack of "return" items waiting by the door.

This Christmas was different then any I had ever had before. My daughter is 2 3/4 and is learning what Christmas is all about. She knows now what the word "Christmas" is, she knows about Santa, AND she can semi sing her way through "Jingle Bells". She left out cookies and milk for Santa, which we were forgot to point out were gone the next morning, for the first time. She wore the big fluffy Christmas dress to the Christmas Eve Service at our chapel, got to hold a lit candle for a few seconds, and did her dancing at the front of the chapel to the verses of "Joy To The World". On Christmas morning we had to prod her along to keep opening up Christmas presents, because she would open one up, see what she likes and then want to play. When her daddy and I would start to open up one of our own, she would take possession of the gift and claim it as, "mine."

What is Christmas without friends and family? Since we live a good 2500 miles away from our closest relatives we had over some friends. People we've gotten to know in the past year and a half we've lived here. We then had three little girls running around giggling and screaming and just having fun while the adults spent there time talking and eatting and enjoying each other's company. This was a change from last year where many were invited and only one showed up. (But a very special one.)

All this to say that I'm sad that Christmas is over. It's now time to take down the tree (or in a few days), tidy up the house, and then make my new year's resolution. This year! I will lose the weight I gained when pregnant with my daughter who is now 2 3/4. *sigh*

Fa-la-la-la-la.... la-la-la-la

Have you ever had the chance...

to ride a horse? For me there is no other feeling than sitting atop a horse... it's pure heaven. There's no feeling to compare. I have found my passion. I love to ride. I would spend my whole day being with her. Just brushing her fur or smelling her nose. :) She gets this unique smell when the air is clear and the sun is shining. I get so relaxed as I brush her and rid her of the days mud. When I finally get on her I get to take her outside and let her have full reign. This is something I'm still learning. Yesterday was more than I imagined. Yesterday I got to let her run. I got to feel her as she had her way. She could run where she wanted and I was along for the ride. It didn't get to last very long, maybe ten minutes or so. But what a ten minutes. What an exhilarating feeling. I wasn't scared for a minute. I knew she would take care of me as we felt the wind in our hair.

Potty Training is for the birds!!!

You know how you get so frustrated you want to scream??? Try to add that to potty training a two year old. AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am soooo over this process. Everyone I talk to says it takes time. EVERYONE!!!!!!! Then there's the people you hate who say their kid learned it in two months or something like that. I'm trying my hardest to ask her to go potty or to tell her she is going to tell me when she has to pee. It's just not working. I am so frustrated I could cry. My daughter is in daycare in the mornings and does great there. Then she comes home and it's like she turns into Mr. Hyde. I can hear her telling herself that "mommy is so much fun to mess with. hee hee hee Watch as I pee myself. See how mad she gets?" UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyone have ANY ideas on how to make this easier??? I'm stuck peeling pooh out of panties and whiping it up off the floor. I've had clothes to change as we're going out the door because she didn't tell me she peed herself. How do you survive this???

HELP!!!!!!!!!

A Night of Firsts

Well tonight it finally happened. I guess it was inevitable. The hubby has been pressing me about making the change for quite some time. The event? Turning our 2 1/2 year old daughters crib into the daybed. *sigh* I'm still not ready and it's already been done. She's in there now... asleep, not realizing the impact this has on her mommy. I haven't cried yet... but I know it's coming. I didn't even get ot be here for the unveiling. I didn't get to see her get excited about the change. I only got to hear about it through said husband. What's next? Him taking her to get her ears pierced or taking her for her drivers license without me? I DON'T THINK SO!!! If any of these happen you can guarantee there will be hell to pay. Not only did all this happen, BUT we were eating out and she told me she had to go potty and she went in the big girls potty. She has NEVER done that before. My little baby is growing up and I'M NOT READY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It seems like it was yesterday that she was shooting poop on the curtains while we changed her. Or when we had to count how many bowel movements she was having to make sure she was getting enough to eat. Where did all the time go??

How Do You Worship?

How do you pay homage to God? What is your worship style? Are you the Contemporary Worship type of person? Traditional? Liturgical? (My hubby's in the ministry that's how I know the big words.) Anyway... how do you make that connection with the Almighty? Do you make the connection? Do you wait for the warm fuzzy to know that you've been worshipping today? Is it just your socialization tool? Is it your clique? Do you make connections with others while you're there?

For many worship is the place you visit on the holiday's. Christmas and Easter. You really don't know your minister's/priest's name. He could have moved and you think the new guy is him. There are those who are on the other end of the spectrum that are at church whenever the doors are open. This is how my hubby and I were brought up. Involved in every activity the church has to offer. Then there are those that want to make it church and just find stuff getting in the way. You worked all week and you want that extra day to laze around and watch TV. Sometimes you make it to worship and enjoy the experience and get on a roll and then you have a rough week at work and you just don't go. It gets easier not to go so you quit for a while. What about those of us whose spouses are ministers and are expected to be there every Sunday rain or shine tornado or sun... kinda like the mailman. Anyway... you're expected to take part in the activities be it Sunday school teacher, choir member, nursery worker, or children's church leader.

I say all this because my worship experience is lacking. I don't seem to "fit" into my surroundings and I can't seem to get past that. It's my fault that I can't seem to connect. I've lived here for over a year and attended the same service all that time. I don't connect with many in the parish. I don't connect with the service even though I sing in the choir. Now due to other responsibilities I attend the service alone. How many people attend a service looking for a connection with someone? Only to never find it. How many go looking for God but experience so many cliques that they don't feel they belong? They think maybe God only wants a certain type of person. They have to be beautiful and married and successful. They need to have the 2.4 kids and the two dogs at home. They have to drive the SUV and be involved up to their eyeballs in the community. Is this the person Jesus reached out to? What about the woman at the well? The leper? The blind men he made see? None of these people were well known in the social circles. Most if not all were ostracized by the community. Where are those people in our churches today? Are we reaching out to them? Or are we sooo happy that Matilda will be there today so we can wear those fabulous shoes we just bought and show them off? When did we forget God? When did we learn to put our social standing above our eternal standing?

I am guilty. Guilty of caring to much about what I look like when I go. Guilty of wanting to be liked and be in the IN group. Guilty of that and so much more. I've personally forgotten what's it's like to have a great worship exerience. I want one so badly I could cry.

Just wondering outloud...

I tried to look up the percentage of American's married. The last census in 1990 came up with something like 55.6 % of American's are married. That's a tad bit over half. There's also the statistic of how close to 50% of marriages end in divorce. So if that's the case... who's staying married?

In two months I will be celebrating my 9th wedding anniversary. That means next year will be 10 years. I can hardly believe it. 10 sounds so much more official and daunting in my book. I recently described what has happened in the almost nine years of marriage. I didn't explain the day to day. The small that stuff that we irritate each other with. Whether it be leaving clothes beside the bed instead of in the hamper (not me). Or is it that the label organized mess has been permanently attached to how your spouse describes you. (guilty) You know when PMS comes around there'll be more arguments and less liking each other. Just like you know when the other is mad when there needs are not met. What is it that holds a marriage together? When the little things add up and you just want to scream at the other person. What makes you stay? My parents divorced when I was twelve years old. They each have their own reasons and their own stories. It is probably why I am terrified of divorce. Yet there have been moments when the idea has been appealing. I know I say this for both of us. You look at where you are and wonder if you are both going in the same direction. Do you have the same goals in life? Are you happy? (Now that's a loaded question.) I know for us there are times when only one of us is holding it together. It is scary... but it also real. You trust this person with your life. With your childs life. With your future. Thus far for us the thought of staying together outweighs the thought of going it alone. I know it's not the case for everyone. I don't get angry at those people who resort to divorce like I did when it happened to my family. I've been there. I've had those thoughts of just giving up. When you just reach the point where you don't care anymore. Then I breathe and I step back and take time. I realize that I love my hubby with everything in me. I may not especially like him at the moment, but I know life without him is not something I want to contemplate. We can sit in the same room and be very upset at each other and know that we still love each other. I've learned much in these nine years. He has taught me a lot. He has taught me to be honest with my feelings and know that as scary as they may be I'm entitled to them. They are mine and no one can take them from me. He's taught me to love even when I don't like. I thought you couldn't do that. I thought you had to love all the time. I'm happy to tell you what a freeing experience that is. It gives you the freedom to be angry and upset and not like them. But they are still there for you when you come in and say "I'm sorry".

Much love to you today!

Peace~

They didn't deserve to win!!!

I just finished watching possibly the most riveting NFL game thus far this season. Buffalo verses Dallas. I was NOT cheering for Dallas. I don't think they deserved to win. No matter how great the Ego TO is or how humble Romo is... when you have six turnovers in one game you should lose all chances of winning. I do NOT like Dallas this year as a football... they rank immediately below New England in my book of teams I can't stand. Bilichek well we've seen how he wins. I immediately think of the old saying... "cheaters never win". Time will tell. Time will tell.

Canada oh Canada

SO the hubby is off to Canada for the week for some work related business. I get to man the homefront for the week. Take care of the house. Peel the wallpaper and paint the wall. :) Seems like everytime he heads off somewhere I find a new project to take on. We rent a house that hasn't been update in 10-15 years. We've painted room after room after room. We've got a fabulous land lord who has given us free reign on the decor. And me, being the Artist that I am, I want COLOR!! So we have a navy blue and white bedroom. This was formally covered in decade old paper. We have a celery green bathroom which previously was pepto bismol pink (including the ceiling). The ceiling is now white. Our hallway was the most recent transformation from again decade old wallpaper to a cranberry color. Very pretty. Our kitchen got the addition of the green paint. I would LOVE to paint the cabinets white, but our landlord was praising all the woodwork when he was here so I don't how well that will go over. The interesting part is that in some rooms we have white door frames with brown/wood doors. And the window frames are wood except in the master bath where it's white. Who knows.

Well I'm giving in and calling the hubby.

Ta ta for now.

turning green

It seems I do most of my writing late and after everyone else goes to bed.

Something that's been on my mind is the subject of jealousy. I was brought up in a strict Southern Baptist home and was taught that jealousy was a sin. It was very frowned upon and I was made to feel bad about myself as I practiced the trait growing up. It was wrong to envy the girls next door and their Barbie's. It was wrong to want straight hair like my friend at church. It was bad praying to be skinny like so many others on the cheerleading squad. I wanted to sing like my favorite singer and I envied them their fame.

I guess I'm thinking of this because I came face to face with thoughts of jealousy recently. I had not really thought in terms of the word. So many times we say we don't like someone or something because we secretly are jealous of them. I speak this first about myself. We see something in them that we long to be or have. It's much easier to not like them and not have to explain why. When I see someone who is very pretty, how much easier is it to say that I don't like them... simply based on the fact that I'm jealous of their beauty or their talent? Or even their personality. Being a naturally quiet individual I am very envious of people who are at ease with their outgoingness.

I now believe it's just human nature to see something or someone and want to be like them. How else would we challenge ourselves?

*sigh*

Happiness is listening to your two year old daughter sing herself to sleep.

What Owns Your Soul?

It's late here. Almost midnight. My hubby and I just had one of those heart to heart deep connecting talks. Talking about death. About living life. Now I have words in my head that want to come out and this is where I choose to unleash it.

How do I want to be remembered? What owns my soul? What owns your soul? Revenge? Sex? That next promotion? Dieting? Depression? There's so many things out there that influence who we are. There are millions of decisions being made every day. Some conscious. What do I wear today? Breakfast? Some unconscious. Get in the right lane to turn. Brush my hair. What is life treating you to? I told hubby tonight that I can completely understand the concept of mid-life crisis. I read it defined as, the time of life when you look back on your life and see if you have accomplished all that you have wanted. Are you content with your lot in life? Do you have regrets? I don't want to get to a point in my life where I have a list of regrets. Yet at the same time. Why have a list? Why aren't we living each day to the fullest and taking things as they come. Why aren't I cherishing each moment I'm given? Why do I feel like I'm waiting for some cataclysmic occurrence to happen before I can feel like I'm living my life? What am I waiting for? To become famous? To be known the world over? WHY??? Why do so many people want to be famous? So that we can be remembered? To have all the money and stress that goes with fame? To be liked? To be envied? I speak all these things to myself before I speak them to you. I ask myself these same things. When I should be asking... how do I want my daughter to remember me? Life is passing me by so fast. I'm missing so much of my daughters life because I'm searching for something I will probably never have. Tonight she was singing happy birthday in the car. She doesn't say all the words yet but she can get out birthday and happy and to you. It was so precious. I wanted to take that moment in time and hold on to it. I want to keep this in my mind forever. Yet I know it will fade and new memories will take it's place. I want her to be this precious and innocent forever.

Our world is constantly telling us that we need to be reaching for the next goal. We need that promotion. Life will be so much better when I am skinny. You too can be skinny if you just take this pill. Why are we never happy in the moment? Can we not cherish what we are? I struggle with this. I'm trying to learn to like me the way I am. I want to work out for the sake of health not because I'm still trying to drop baby weight. I want to realize that the shape I'm in produced the most beautiful little girl I could imagine. She came from me. She's a part of me. She has made me what I am today. I don't want her growing up hearing me complain about how I look. I want to love myself for her sake as well as my own. I don't want her to think that being skinny owns my soul.

I think there may be people who get to the end of their lives and wish they had lived more. Spent more time learning who they are. They wish they had more time to just be themselves. Who cares what demands the world puts on you? Do you think someone wishes they had tried that other diet when they younger? Learning to love yourself for you who you are will be the one thing that helps you through your mid-life crisis.

So again I ask you. What owns your soul?

Let me tell you...

about this great lady. She was born in June of 1943. She grew up in West Virginia and then Maryland. She married her high school sweetheart. Then when that didn't turn out she married her soul mate. She used to tell me stories of how she would spy on her ex-husband. Peeking out windows and following him. I used to listen in awe as she told me her spy stories. Once she and her soul mate were married they moved to North Carolina. Her honey was in the Air Force and had two daughters from a previous marriage. They decided to set up home in base housing in a tiny house with five children in three bedrooms. Life was seldom dull for our lady. Retirement came for her honey and with it civilian living in a new house off base. A lot of love was poured into that house through the years. The children grew and left the nest until it was just the two with the youngest son. She had turned the house into a home. One she dreamed of growing old in.



Unfortunately fate had other plans. Through the years the lady's health seem to deteriorate right before there eyes. It didn't happen all of a sudden but was a gradual thing. I visited this great lady in the spring of 1998. When I returned two years later it was to a much different lady. This lady let me stay in her house with her and her honey while I waited for my new husband to come. We stayed up nights talking and telling stories. Stories of life and loss. Stories of love and laughter. Yet through it all her health grew worse. She soon lost the ability to drive her car. Many nights were spent in the hospital. Many visits were made to see her.



She had to leave the home she had grown in. She could no longer get up and down the steps like she used to. Her new house was bigger, but it wasn't home. I remember her telling me how much she missed her home. She got breast cancer in her new house. She survived breast cancer in her new house. My hubby and I went to see her. They had the same hair style... none. :) She was tickled with that fact. We spent Christmas with her in that house. My last holiday with her before I moved was Thanksgiving 2004. I was leaving. She was sad. I was sad. She was my mother away from home. She treated my hubby and me like we were her very own.



Last week my aunt went into the hospital. Her kidneys weren't functioning and she had some kidney stones again. She had developed MRSA. She was doing better and was refusing the feeding tubes and airway tubes. She died Monday morning. July 23. She was only 64 years old.



I want the world to stop and pay attention that they've lost someone special. Don't you realize that an angel died today? Don't you know what this place is missing now that she's not here? I didn't even get to say good-bye.



I love you Aunt Marjorie.

Treasuring those close to you

My hubby and I have been married eight and a half years. Sometimes I can hardly believe it myself. We've experienced a lot of ups and downs in our history together.

We met while he was in college. I had just graduated and was still in the transition period of graduation and real world. Looking for a job. Our first date was May 22. We went to one of the local tourist areas around the college. Had a nice dinner. I started my very first ever official job on July the sixth. Only to come home and have my boyfriend break up with me. I was horrified! It was a Monday. By Friday he was begging me to take him back... no seriously. He couldn't stay away! HA! We went to Wendy's that Friday and we've been together since.

We tell people now that the first year we were married was the hardest we have ever gone through. It still holds true to this day. When you're blending two very independant people and tossing in extra baggage you're sure to come up with some interesting stuff. We survived.

He graduated with his BA in our second year of marriage. Only to have us move to another school for him to work on a Master's Degree. I worked and put him through five years of school. When we were dating there was so much negativity tossed at us because they assumed once we were married he wouldn't finish school. Some friends huh?

We have had some knock down drag out fights. We've pushed and shoved and yelled and cursed. We've said some things that would make your ears turn red. We've been through counseling both before and after we got married. It was probably the best thing we ever did for our marriage.

In 2002 we found out we were pregnant. I cried. I was so not ready to be a mother. I didn't want to do it. When the doctor told me I was horrified. We were having some marital difficulties at the time and we thought this would solve everything. Give us something to put our energy and our love into. I went in for my OBGYN visit and the doc decided to do an ultrasound. He was crazy about the things. Anyway... things didn't look to great. He wanted me to come back the next week. We did. The next visit it was confirmed that we were having a miscarriage. We were devestated. We had finally gotten used to the idea of being parents and were actually happy about it. Now this!! We neither one can remember how we got home that day. My hubby drove us home and I think we never went over 45 mph on the interstate.

That night we had an experience I will never forget. We had an old house that we were renting. We were lucky enough to have a porch swing. I loved sitting on it when it rained. Well it was starting to rain so I went outside. Had my blanket and was swinging and my hubby came out to sit. The rain got heavier and you could hear the thunder coming. As we sat out there on that porch swing we experienced a rain storm like I will never forget. It came in. It surrounded us. It passed us. It was the most spiritual experience I've ever had. God was in that storm. He talked to us and soothed us. We sat there well after it had stopped not wanting the moment to pass. We felt peace. Finally we felt peace.

How do you come back from this? How do you press on? One day at a time. It will be five years this fall since this experience. And I can tell you the whole thing is as real now as it was then.

We have a daughter now. We got pregnant before we moved in 2004. This time it was perfect. We were happy. We knew she would be the icing on the cake... not the glue that held us together. Our daughter we lost was names Eliora (meaning God is my light). We now had a new light.

A lot of time has passed and we have grown. I tell this story as a memory that made me stronger. That made my hubby and I closer.

We both share a love of Nicholas Sparks books. Early on I found a passage that has come to mean a lot to us both. Here it is. It's from The Notebook:

"In times of grief and sorrow I will hold you
and rock you, and take your grief and make it
my own. When you cry, I cry, and when you
hurt, I hurt. And together we will try to hold
back the floods of tears and despair and make
it through the potholed streets of life."

This thing called life...

Life is funny... you know? As little children we're so concerned with growing up. When I grow up I want to be a policeman... a firefighter... an astronaut... a mommy... the list goes on and on. We're in such a hurry to be an adult and have jobs and families. No one thinks about the stress and the anxiety that comes with it. We're children for such a short time. Our childhood needs to be filled with evenings playing until the streetlights come on. Catching lightening bugs. Staying home from school when the snow comes. Fourth of July fireworks. Christmas morning's. Birthday parties. Sitting in daddy's lap. I didn't appreciate my growing up years. Do any of really? We turn around and we're all grown. Do you remember your first love? I was a Sophomore in HS and I was in love. I was a cheerleader and he was Captain of the Academic team. You thought I was going to say football team. Not me... no dumb jocks for me. (Instead I married a smart jock. ;)) Ever remember your first love lost? It was February 1992. I'll never forget it as long as I live. I never did find out what went wrong.

As parents we want our children to be little adults. We forget that they need this time as a child. They've got 60-80 years to behave like an adult. Let them be children. Billy Dean had a song called, "Let Them Be Little"... he writes, "Let them be little 'cause they're only that way for a while Give them hope, give them praise, give them love every day Let them cry, let them giggle, let them sleep in the middle Oh just let them be little."

I'm including a poem I wrote for my daughter.

Not Now

One day
I’ll be able to look back at these times and smile.

One day
she’ll be old enough for me to tell her everything.

One day
she’ll start school and I’ll have to take her to kindergarten.

One day
she’ll graduate from school then she’ll be off for college.

One day
we’ll give her away to a boy-a man-a husband.

One day
she’ll go through labor she’ll call us grandparents.

One day
will come soon enough so I’ll not push her to grow up.

Nothing New Here...

Just thought I would add some lines to this space. Seems it's been quite a while since I graced it with my presence... HA!

It seems this is birthday month here in our house. I have my hubby's birthday this month. My dad's is next. Then I have a cousin's birthday. Then my oldest brother. Then my step-dad. Then there's Father's Day. At the end of the month my aunt has her day. When I go to the store to buy birthday cards it's like nothing I've ever seen before. Except that I do it every year. Not only that, but I have to buy a birthday card and a father's day card for my husband from our daughter. Sheesh!

Birthday's are a reminder that we're human that our days on earth are numbered. Each day needs to be lived to the fullest. No one knows how many they're given. I wonder what it would be like to know how many days or years you would live. I don't think I could do it. Living your life with that hanging over your head. Many people have done it and many still do. The first that leaps to mind is Jesus. He knew growing up what he was meant to do. He didn't like it, but his opinion didn't matter. Did he do anything wrong? Not really. Kind of like in the wrong place at the wrong time. Do any of you wonder why you were born when you were? Why not in the days of George Washington? or Abraham Lincoln? or Moses? Why now? Anyway... as I was saying... the next people I think of are those men or women in prison. On death row. Those awaiting the death penalty. They know the exact date and time when they will breathe their last. I wonder if any of them think about the fellowship they're in. Those who know when they will meet their maker. (Sorry if this is a little morose... I'm just thinking as I go.) Those men and women get their last supper and their last cigarette. Jesus had a last supper. Course I don't think that's what they called it at the time. They didn't know it would be his last. Where as prisoners do. I don't really know where I'm going with this. Just some thoughts.

I guess I just want to be thankful and appreciative of each moment of my life. Do diets matter in the grand scheme of things? Does our life come down to how much money we packed away in our mattress? Did we love enough? Were we loved? Did we spend our life trying to be something we're not?

Each one of us is special. Each one of us matters to someone. Whether we're on death row or in the nursery at the local hospital.

Peace...

I try not to get political in this space. I have my opinions and views and they are my own. I dont' force them on others.

I recently found this website/blog. I commend this woman on her honesty.

http://hollywoodfarmgirl.blogspot.com/2007/05/oh-sister-my-sister.html

I hope you read it and think about it.

At a loss...

We here in our Montana community are reeling over a recent loss. Yesterday a tragic event occurred- one I have never been witness to. A young man died while doing what he loved. Flying. He was thirty-one. My age. One minute he was there and the next he was gone. I didn't know him personally, but his life has impacted my family and community.



I remember the words to a song from years ago. Sung by Amy Grant.



So much pain and no good reason why,
you've cried until the tears run dry.
Nothing here can make you understand,
the one thing that you held so dear,
is slipping from your hand.



Why, why, why
does it go this way?
Why, why, why,
is all I can say.

Somewhere down the road
there'll be answers to our questions.
Somewhere down the road,
though you cannot see it now.
Somewhere down the road you will find open arms,
they're reaching for you.
They will hold the answers at the end of the road.

It seems trite to limit this occasion to a song.

Why should I write about this occurrence when they're so much pain going on in the world? I guess for once in my life the outside world intruded on mine.

I pray for the young man's family. For the one's who won't see him again. I imagine it being me that has to hear the news. I pray that his family finds comfort. I pray that their world will stop and mourn with them.

PMS

It's amazing how those three letters can turn an ordinary woman into a basketcase. I am putting myself out there on the line and using myself as a guinea pig for this. I get PMS something horrible. I'm in the midst of it right now and I'm miserable. I want to cry one second and eat the house the next. One moment I'm angry over the slightest thing and then I'm making jokes and laughing at myself. I tend to put myself down when I'm in these melancholy moods. I'm trying hard to watch what I eat and then the dreaded letters come and I just want to throw caution to the wind and eat and eat and eat and eat.

My poor husband has to stand the winds of change and just bear his way through it all. He's such a trooper. It's worth noting that the times when PMS is at it's worse and I'm moody and we fight then I get no cramps. BUT the times when we're like two peas in a pod and get along till the end, my cramps are so bad I'm sick.

Now I know this is probably more than any of you ever want to know about us, but it goes to show that I'm open to any discussion. Sometimes people don't want to talk about the ugliness or the everydayness of their lives. To me it helps to know I'm not alone in this world when it comes to my struggles and difficulties. To share a story of PMS or weight loss difficulties or PT fun is just a way of connecting with others. What are we without connections? We're alone. I don't want to walk through this life alone. I want to share my journey with as many people as I can. If someone gets a laugh out of parts of my journey then I have shared something of myself.

You see. I feel so much better just having shared this with you. I feel my weight lifted and the sun is shining in my heart now... even if it's cloudy outside.

Thanks for listening.

Dieting

I want to much to be one of those people who can eat and eat and never gain any weight. I worked with a girl in 98 who LOST weight when she quit working out at the gym. I wish so much that had been my dilemma. I think ever since I can remember I have been on a diet. Whether I needed to or not mind you. When I was in high school and just a tiny person I wanted to be skinnier. I had big calves and was curvy. All the other girls on the cheer leading squad were skinny and petite and had small calves. All except for Kim Lester. She and I used to bond over our muscular calves. We wondered why our were so different than everyone else's. Who knows! Anyway... HS was stressful and I always compared myself to everyone else. I wanted to be small like everyone else.

Then came college and they talked about the Freshman fifteen which I was determined NOT to gain. I think I gained them my Sophomore year. I worked like a fiend to get that weight off. I started running... which if anyone knows me, knows I detest running. I'll run if someone is chasing me or if I have to lose weight. So I ran. I made it to running two miles at a time and I actually enjoyed doing it. Then I fell off the wagon and never got back on. I did lose the weight but the next year and the year after it came back in full force. I wasn't fitting in my high school clothes anymore. I was "maturing", so my weight had to adjust. UGH!!

I got married six months or so after graduating from college. All girls want to look young and fabulous and skinny in their wedding dresses. I was no different. My problem I discovered was that I love to eat. I like the taste of food and don't feel as though I should deprive myself of what I like.

So here I am... a thirty-one year old mother of one and I am STILL trying to lose the baby weight I gained when I was pregnant. My daughter is now two. You'd think it would have been all gone by now... but NO! It's still here. So I am facing many a dilemma. Amidst the stress of dealing with a two year I have had a light bulb moment. I shared this with the hubby and he agreed. I learned that since my baby was born I have put all my attention and care into her. As you may have read we just started daycare. I had no time for me. I didn't give myself and treats or rewards or take anytime for myself because I was watching her 24/7. In my neglect I taught myself that the way I "treated/ rewarded" myself was to eat whatever I wanted. I would eat Oreo's or chocolate chip cookies, or regular Coke, and never exercise. These were my comfort and my taking care of me. Only it's backfired. I've not lost weight I struggle with achy joints and I still can't fit in my pre-pregnancy clothes. I'm miserable! Not only that my I have gone and bought post pregnancy size clothes in addition to the ones that I have that I can't get into. So now I have a closet and a half full of clothes.

My goal is to accept myself for my flaws and still to lose weight. Do you think that's possible?

PT Update

I know you all are dieing to find out how the little one is doing with her PT (potty training). We took a small break at the beginning of April.. but we are diligently trying again.

She is good about going. We just have to ask her if she has to go potty. Just this morning she went on the potty so I put pull-up's on her. She came back later after she found a pair of her little underwear in her room. So I thought since she was doing so well we'd try it. Shortly after that she was wanting more to drink. She sat on the couch while I went to the kitchen to get the drink and in less than thirty seconds she had peed on the couch. I hope it doesn't smell to awfully bad. I've never encountered this before. I know I say that a lot. THIS IS ALL NEW TO ME!!! She is doing very well. I keep thinking maybe she can teach herself so I don't have to do anything... then I realize I know better! After the initial irritation of encountering pee on the couch (it actually has a slipcover~but some still got on the couch), I though of it as funny and cute. Something else that show's me that my baby is just that... still a baby. I don't want to rush her or judge her or ridicule her for being herself. All of the two years that she is. She's fabulous. She's the perfect combination of me and the hubby. She's the best she that she can be.

First Day of Daycare

Well today we sent our wee one out into the world of Daycare. She just turned two and this is a first for all of us. We have long since used baby-sitters and currently have some of the best there are! I have put it off and put it off until I can't do it anymore. Ma petite is the most social child I have ever seen. We realized a long tie ago we were doing her a disservice by not having her around other children her age. The only interaction she gets is with children during her gymnastics class and in church on Sunday's. This is not near enough for someone as social as she is. So I put it off and put it off until I couldn't anymore in good conscience keep it from her.

Now that's not the only reason I have taken these measures. I need me time. I have for the past two years spent pretty much 24/7 with an infant. If that's not enough to drive you mad then I don't know what is. I have always been a person who needs quiet and alone time. When you have a young child that goes out the window. So when I start to feel my sanity slipping I realize that it's not doing myself or my daughter any good. So we start the process of finding someone for her. It was hard coming to the point that I had to think of myself. I have always heard that you should put your child before you. At last I realized that in finding her an outlet I was finding one for myself. I came to the understanding that I was hurting her by not taking care of myself.

So we start a new phase today and it's one that I am ready for but also means that she is growing up. It's not the first day of school, but for me it's still a step of her growing process.

Listen to the sound of... Silence

In this day and age it's so hard to find peace and quiet. I am a mother of one and I crave silence. When it's nap time I want so badly just to do nothing and hear nothing. But as I sit and contemplate or meditate, I hear a police siren or the heater kicking in. I listen to the refrigerator humming or the traffic going by outside. I am sadly in need of silence in my life. I have so much going on in my house and in my own head that it's so hard to find the solace I so long for. When nap time is finished it will be several more hours before the little one is back asleep and I can escape into the quiet once again.

Why do we need to have TVs and radio's and MP3's or IPod's on ALL the time?

I got up in the early morning hours the other day with my husband. He was leaving for a trip and I had to use the restroom. Outside I could hear the sounds of the birds in the trees. They were alerting us that daylight wasn't too far off. This morning I spent time trekking through the snow after two Canadian Geese as they joined the flock of their brother's and sister's. It was peaceful. I heard them talking and you could hear their feet crunch on the new fallen snow. I got to stand and listen to the snow falling on the trees. I watched as the snow got too heavy for the branch and it plopped to the ground. I heard the little waterfall and listened as the ducks talked to each other.

Silence is so under-rated. It's the time when we find out about ourselves. We learn how comfortable we can be in our own skin. We can use this time to talk to God or just be still. I wish each of us time that we can be silent and see what we can learn about ourselves.

The "s" word

No... not the one your thinking of. My word is "skiing". I think if I go skiing ever again it will be too soon. I have a long history of skiing too, that's why it's interesting that I have such a distaste for it now. The first time I ever traversed the slopes was back in high school. Went with the church to Seven Springs Ski Resort in Pennsylvania. I loved it. I had found my one true love, whooshing down the hills, laughing at others as they fell, and watching my brother learn how to ski.

Next I went while I was in college to the Ober Gatlinburg ski area. That wasn't so bad; did pretty well, a little more advanced then Pennsylvania.

Next I went with the youth group at the church the hubby was serving in. We went to Virginia the first year then West Virginia the second year. I got a little testy these times. The hubby loves to hurl himself down the slopes at breakneck speeds and curses anyone that holds him back. I'm starting to get more cautious. Starting to think about how easy it is to fall and break something or worse yet, fall off the ski lift. We saw someone minutes after he fell off the lift some 12-13 feet off the ground. He wasn't moving. So of course your mind starts working in overtime. Hubby still isn't patient when it comes to how slow I am. Once I take a break he races off to try and get in as much as he can before he has to endure more torture of skiing with his wife. I'm really not that bad, just cautious.

It's been five years since my last episode. I thought I could pick up right where I left off. Hubby has promised to remain patient and stick with me the whole way. My first mistake was going on a Friday and then returning on a Sunday. Can we say nuts? My poor legs were still in recovery on Sunday. You know it's not going to be a good day when on your first ride up the mountain you fail to get off the ski lift at the top and then have to hop off at the last second and land hard on your butt after falling 2 1/2 feet to the ground. The lift operator has to stop the lift so the next people don't plow over you. Luckily the ski's stay on. I survive the mountain and make it to the bottom in one piece... almost. At the bottom they throw in this trick where you have to perform this "s" turn (see there it is again) to get off the hill. Well I see it and start wondering how am I going to make this? Well I'm heading for the ropes and I try to make myself fall to avoid the rope. I do fall and I leave my arm 4 feet behind me. As I feel my arm tearing from my shoulder all I can think is... "I BROKE MY ARM!!" I've got people running in from places you never dreamed.. actually the lift guy just came to check on me. The hubby comes in for a landing behind me and helps me back up. Can we say BREAK!!!! But no I'm determined to make hubby happy and prove to myself that I can do this. So I go up again. This time nothing happens, praise the Lord!! So then it's lunch.

After lunch hubby brainwashes me into tackling the higher up lift. "It's easy," he says. "We'll take the greens the whole way." You bet your sweet bippy we'll take the greens! So up we go. And up. And up. And up. And up. Mountains are big here in Montana. We finally arrive at the top only to be slowed down because someone wants a picture. Do I care about the picture??? NO!!! I just want off the mountain. Get me to the bottom! So finally off we go! Before we hit the first turn I'm off my feet. No one told me I would be taking a 180 degree turn up here. As we get mid way it starts to snow. Never before have I been on a mountain skiing and it snow. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Until it gets so heavy that you can't see where you're going. I fell again. Hubby wants me to walk all the way to the bottom... are you KIDDING me? That's worse then skiing. So I make it to the bottom. Only to be dumped and left for dead... well not quite. Hubby takes off to go tackle some far off corner of the earth and find new ways to hurtle himself down a hill at god'awful speeds.

He can have it.

Old Friends...

Jeromy has recently had a friend come visit. He knew this person ten to twelve years ago. Way before he and I ever met. They have sat and reminisced about the old days. I guess I did a little a few blogs back with the friend who's father had passed away. I just wanted to remember some more friends with you.

First there is Mellissa. My best friend from my high school days. We had such a blast back then. We painted together on several projects. Got lost in Baltimore together. Received the Artist of the Year award together. I played softball in high school and one year she managed the boys baseball team. Her government teacher, Mr. Toepher (sp?) was one of the baseball coaches. We decided to play a prank on him and put our sunflower seeds in his shoes. Needless to say he didn't let us have his shoes again... but he was good about it and laughed with us. I remember her first car was a red Ford Fiesta. It was cute. HA!! I remember sitting in Mr. Gallagher's AP English class and she pulled her stitches out from when she'd had her wisdom teeth pulled out. Ah... those were the days.

Next I think of Brooke and the many times she and Rob got together and didn't get together. When we got our pictures taken with Julie. The trip to Detroit with the youth group after my senior year. All the letters she mailed me when I went away to college. She even came to my wedding. So many good times.

Once I went to college I met more friends. Tiffany is my sister to this day. No one have I found who is more like me than Tiffany. The Thursday's at Perkins. I miss those so much. Then her name calling the guy I was dating, "monkey boy". Her very dry sense of humor. The times she spent at the Morristown hospital. I also remember the day she left for Seminary and I missed it. I never got to say goodbye to her. She sang at my wedding and I sang at hers. She was one of my maid's of honor, and I was honored that she was there. I haven't seen her since Homecoming of 2003, and I miss her so much.

Then there's Jen who's the most recent. We shared a pregnancy together. We left her in Arizona. I miss the dinners together and seeing the kids play together. We went to the Christmas parade on the river in 2005, we got there so late we only saw the end of it. HA! It was hilarious. We did the thrift store shopping together. We had the birthday dinner together.

To each of these ladies I share a special bond. One that I will have forever. I stay in touch with each one to a certain extent... we do the emails and forwards and all that. I wish I could see each one and tell them what they mean to me. So instead I'll do it here. Mellissa, the one who taught me what having a best friend is. Brooke, the one who never ceased to amaze me with her ongoing support despite my lack of communication. Tiffany, the sister I didn't get to have. Jen, the one who let me be me and loved me in spite of it. You guys have helped me become who I am today (yes, that's a compliment.) You are my past, my present, and my future and I love you all.

Another birthday

Well another birthday has come and gone. It's interesting to me how with the birth of a child your own birthday gets less and less significant. I want the birthday attention too. I want the birthday party, the friends, the cake, the presents. It's just like Christmas only it's just for me. My daughters birthday is next week. Yet, from my mother I get the answer that she's bringing my card with her when she comes for her granddaughters birthday. No card in the mail and no explanation as to why nothing arrived. I waited the whole week for a card or two in the mail thinking a brother or father or mother would remember and send a card. Nothing. The whole week I waited and all I got in the mail was a card from our Auto Insurance person.

I give extra credit to my hubby who planned an informal party with some people we get together with every week. I got a few cards and some lovely gifts from a great girl. Then the big day arrived on Sunday and my honey took me to dinner. He bought me flowers and did his best to make it a great day. He had to pick up the slack where the other family dropped the ball. What would I have done without him? I did cry... and he held my hand and loved me through it. He listened and then helped me curse my family. :) Ha...

Do Opposites Attract...

... or merely get on each other's nerves? What do you do when one of you likes to read while the other wants to go out and go hiking or play catch? Or what about when one of you wants to watch basketball and the other doesn't care about basketball? Is one person usually doing all the giving in? Do you take turns compromising? Are both of you morning people? Is one neat while the other likes there organized chaos? What was it about that person you found so appealing when you were dating? Does it still appeal to you? Do you even remember what it was? Was it the difference from yourself that you liked? They talked more than you did. Or they smelled different then you. Do they still do what it was you liked so much? Open the car door? Write you cards or poems? What do you do when they stop all the stuff you liked so much? Does that mean the honeymoon's over? Are one of you the "romantic" and the other isn't? What about being huggy and/or touchy feely? Are you both that way? I miss the honeymoon. I want that "la la" phase back again. I want to be starry eyed like I was once. I guess my stars fell out long ago. It's sad in a way. You promise "till death us do part" and then you hit your stride about seven or eight years and you get bored with each other. You've woken up next to the same person for the last 2, 920 days (give or take a few). You know what their walk sounds like. You know their daily rituals almost as well as you know your own. You know their secrets and they know yours. Many of us have been through child birthing together... Lady's, if nothing takes away your mystery, giving birth will.

I guess what it comes down to is commitment and the love you feel for this person. It's easy to remember the bad times. But remember what it was like when they've held your hand when you cried. Or how they support you through your negative self image. I'll always remember the first time he saw his first born. Remember when you woke up in the morning first and just watched them sleep? Or the first time you tried to get in the bathroom in the morning and realized you didn't live alone anymore.. not only that but there is no air freshener anywhere in the house? Change is all a part of life. We grow, we change, we become different people. I hope that we grow and change together and not apart. It's so easy to go and do your own thing and not care if that person is next to you. But who will you share it with when the day is over? Who will you grow old with?

Old friends....

A friend of mine from my high school as well as my pre-school days I found recently. She told me of the loss of her dad. You know how you get that deflated feeling just knowing the world is minus one person you knew? That was how I felt when she told me. I got a flash of memories of her dad. His favorite car. His getting my brother and a neighbor out of tunnel they got stuck in at Chuckey Cheese's at some long ago birthday party. The time they held a summer party back in 1983, he took turns tossing all the kids up in the air in their backyard swimming pool. So many years have come and gone since these memories took place. We all grew up and lived our lives. We experienced change. We have experienced life.

I don't know what to say to my friend. I do know that her dad will be missed.

Here she is...

Well this little one is waking up from her nap. So I must go attend to the diaper that I can smell clear in the next room.

Ta~ta for now!

PT not for the feignt of heart

Well after taking a few days off of the PT (potty training) we're back in it full swing. Today my daughter found her underpants on her dresser so she brought them to me so I would put them on her. We put them on and I tried to let her know she needed to tell me when she had to go peepee or what have you. A little while later I heard the lid on her potty, I thought, "she has the hang of this, this is going to be so much easier then people tell me." Enter daddy. The hubby comes home and we sit down for dinner (she's still in her underpants, not diaper or pull-up). Hubby thinks she has pooped in her underwear, but it ends up being just bubbles (gas). So she comes to me a little later and says something about poopy... so I ask her if she poopooped? She said no, but hubby says take her anyway so off we go. Well I forgot that sometimes she says poopy but MEANS peepee. So she's had an accident in her pants and new underpants. So I take them off of her and put on a new pair. She then walks around the house for a while and a little later is standing by the coffee table over by her daddy. When I hear this mad dripping sound on the carpet. AGH!!!! Daddy jumps up and I start laughing. I can't help it. You should have heard it. It sounded like when our cats use the litter box and the urine hits the litter. Only it's our daughter standing in the living room. HAHA I can't help but laugh. So I told him it was his turn. While he's doing that I clean up the rug... still laughing mind you. Only to have her come back in the room about 10-15 minutes later and want me to pick her up. I told her I would hold her but she wasn't to pee on me. After a few minutes I put her down, I look around her cause she's standing funny and she has peepee running down her leg. I frustratingly say her name and haul her up and take her off to the bathroom. Hubby from the living rooms yells, don't get mad at her. So I start to laugh hysterically at this point. I then replace the underwear with pull ups for the night. I think three pair of underwear is enough to go through in one evening.

All this to say, "WE HAVE TO STAY STRONG... WE WILL SUCCEED... WE WILL NOT LET THIS DEFEAT US." Maybe somewhere along the line I'll convince myself.

Anxiety

It seems that anxiety can manifest itself in many ways. My hubby tells me I am a "Type-A" person. For the most case I don't have any problem with this. Except when it comes to being anxious and forgetting to breath. That's my unofficial term for anxiety-forgetting to breathe. I have to remind myself to slow down my breathing... deep breaths. I took yoga many years ago and they taught me about breathing... last year I was involved in Pilates and experienced the same thing. I am a very go-getter type person. I tend to focus on what I'm doing and forget things around me. I stay up at night trying to fall alseep because of the many things going through my head. Lately I have re-discovered if I slow down my breathing take deep breaths and release all that toxic air that's in my gut then I tend to fall asleep twice as fast.

All this is to lead up to the fact that I have started biting my nails again. I had gone several years without whittling them down to nothing, but I seem to have found myself biting them again. I'm in the process of trying to find the source of my anxiety and go from there. I do believe that nail biting is an outward sign of what's going on internally. I know that I am all twisted up inside I can feel it. But what is causing it is yet to be determined. So please when you read this send a little prayer on my behalf that I an find why I'm anxious and stop biting my nails, and stop eating sugar, and start excercising... and, oh we'll get to the rest later.

Not Now.... a poem

Not Now

One day
I’ll be able to look back
at these times and
smile.

One day
she’ll be old enough
for me to tell her
everything.

One day
she’ll start school and
I’ll have to take her to
kindergarten.

One day
she’ll graduate from school
then she’ll be off for
college.

One day

we’ll give her away
to a boy-a man-
a husband.

One day
she’ll go through labor
she’ll call us
grandparents.

One day
will come soon enough
so I’ll not push her to
grow up.

Nightmares

No one likes to experience that feeling of falling, while either awake or asleep. I remember growing up- having the reoccuring dream where I fell off the monkey bars. It was actually re-living something that had happened. I still see it in my minds eye the hands missing, the free falling through the air, the ground rising up to meet me. It happens everytime in my dream/nightmare. Wakes me up everytime too.. right before I hit the dirt. All this is to say that we have entered the land of nightmares where our daughter is concerned. We are in unchartered territory and we don't know the first thing about how to handle it. She is waking up about 4:30 am and will not go to sleep unless we are with her. She'll sleep in our arms but if we lay her down she wakes up and cries until she is sick and gagging or until we come back in. Which we always do. Last night my hubby slept with her in the chair we keep in her room. He was in there for three or so hours, she was out like a light when he put her down and came crawling back to our bed. It the first time we've slept until 10:00 am in eons. I can't remember the last time I slept that late. See I can't sleep when she's crying in the other room. Breaks my heart. Jilts my nerves. Awakens my senses... everything!

So as we push on through uncertain waters... we embrace this time because we know that time is quickly passing. My little girl will only need me for so long. I want to be there everytime she needs me.

PT

Potty Training... not Physical Training. We have approached the sacred territory of PT. I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. My daughter likes to take off her diaper and run around the house in her skivvies. We're trying to determine if this is just because she can consciously make the decision and actually follow through with taking it off... or if she's ready to start using the big girls potty. Last night she was getting ready for bed and we had the bath water running. She sat outside the door and took her pants off and then had me take her diaper/pull up off. I thought she was heading to the bath but no she headed to her potty. She sat down and looked around and then got up.. and lo and behold she had peed!!!! Woohhooo!!! I yelled as I carried her unclothed self down the hallway yelling and trying to find her daddy. I proceeded to trip on my shoes and fall while still carrying her. She was fine, but I bumped my shoulder on the door frame and banged up my knee. Anyway... we found daddy and we proceeded to dance around yelling how happy we were that she had peed! What a moment!!! Of course we're not sure if this is a one moment thing... but we've "officially" switched to pull-ups. Wish us luck!!!

Napping

Does anyone else miss the days of taking naps? I remember being a kid and my mom making us take naps. Seems back then it was something I just didn't want to do. I would rather stay up and read or bother a brother or anything!! besides sleep. I didn't want to give in to my mom or the blissful oblivion. I now have a daughter who I put down for a nap. Does she like it? Not really. She's reaching the age where she know the routine, where yoyo (yogurt) leads to nap... or yoyo leads to bath which leads to bedtime. So she starts with the whining and the firm, "no." Anyway... back to the subject. Naps. I wish my life were that simple where mom made me take a nap and when I woke up I was refreshed and ready to take on the world again. At least for a few more hours. Being a stay at home mom leaves very little time to yourself. So when the little one(s) are down for the count that's when we party or take a nap of our own. Sometimes we do housework then... but then we're not really having a break that way are we? There are days when I live for naptime. I can get some reading done or check email or yes, I clean sometimes. I dread the day when my daughter will decide that no naps are a good thing. Hopefully that will quickly be followed with kindergarten.

We decided yesterday to take a trip to the capitol city where we live. It was an uneventful trip. We went for a few hours to spend the day together and just get out of the neighborhood for a little while. We were on our way home, but stopped at the gas station to get some snacks for the ride home. Someone pulled up beside us we got there, not someone you'd notice, a young girl in a striped shirt. Easy to dismiss. Maybe too easy. We were getting situated and pulling out when the young girl left the store. We wondered what was up because she had left her car parked. We pulled out to the stop light and just waited our turn to rush back into whatever it is we were doing. The young girl crossed at the light we were sitting at. To our surprise she was taking some food and a drink to one of the young panhandlers that was standing at the light. You could have knocked us both over with a whisper. I was speechless. The comment my husband made was, "You know, I should be doing that." He's right. We sit in our newer car and take the money to go shopping and go out to eat, yet this young lady who couldn't afford it by much, if you look at her car and her clothes, spent the time, effort and money to change someone's day. It reminds me of the story in the Bible where the young woman gives her two mites and Jesus says hers is worth more than the rich men who give, because she gave what she couldn't afford- she gave her all. Sometimes I think I've forgotten what its like to have nothing and give anyway. We get so caught up in wanting more, to live comfortably, to be able to buy what we want when we want it. We forget there are many who don't have anything, but they give anyway. I will always be grateful to this young girl who in a moment of selflessness, showed me a glimpse of Jesus.

You Are My Sunshine, My Only Sunshine

Just sitting here listening to some easy music while I play Scrabble on the computer. The song "You Are My Sunshine" came on and I realized that I use this song just about every day. I sing it to my daughter when I put her down at night as does the hubby. My mother has told me that this is the song she sang to me when I was a baby. I looked up the history of the song on Wikipedia and it was written about 1940. It is also supposed to be the state song for Louisiana. You can read the full history here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/You_Are_My_Sunshine, if you like. I had a cat once when I was in college, she was white and I named her Sunshine. Sadly to say someone took her away.

snowing with the sun out

Living in Montana gives you a new appreciation for snow. I don't think I've seen this much snow in my whole life. We've been here since June and I haven't once complained about the amount of snow we're getting. It's interesting because we get the Chinook winds and it warms up then, a week later the temperature drops and we're getting more snow. It's great! Of course I thought I saw wind when we lived in NC and I experienced my first hurricane. Nothing compared to the winds that come in off the Rockies. Winds recorded at 50-60 mph now that's some wind! The people at the foot of the Rockies have recorded winds close to 100 mph. Not only that but as the title to this blog indicates it snows here while the sun is out. My brother asked me if there was a snowbow... (you know like a rainbow when it rains... I didn't get it either at first). Anyway... snowing with the sun out. Rather an episode to experience... usually it's windy also because the winds are coming in and that's what's pushing the clouds out of the way... yet they're not finished unloading what they came for. Rather interesting.

Just the Blogs M'am

Here we go! This is something new I'm trying. This is a way to practice my creative writing and to have fun while doing it. I encourage anyone to try it. The best part is that with this site the Blogging is FREE!!! No kidding! So pull up a chair, enjoy your coffee, and be sure to let me know how things are going.