Old Friends...

Jeromy has recently had a friend come visit. He knew this person ten to twelve years ago. Way before he and I ever met. They have sat and reminisced about the old days. I guess I did a little a few blogs back with the friend who's father had passed away. I just wanted to remember some more friends with you.

First there is Mellissa. My best friend from my high school days. We had such a blast back then. We painted together on several projects. Got lost in Baltimore together. Received the Artist of the Year award together. I played softball in high school and one year she managed the boys baseball team. Her government teacher, Mr. Toepher (sp?) was one of the baseball coaches. We decided to play a prank on him and put our sunflower seeds in his shoes. Needless to say he didn't let us have his shoes again... but he was good about it and laughed with us. I remember her first car was a red Ford Fiesta. It was cute. HA!! I remember sitting in Mr. Gallagher's AP English class and she pulled her stitches out from when she'd had her wisdom teeth pulled out. Ah... those were the days.

Next I think of Brooke and the many times she and Rob got together and didn't get together. When we got our pictures taken with Julie. The trip to Detroit with the youth group after my senior year. All the letters she mailed me when I went away to college. She even came to my wedding. So many good times.

Once I went to college I met more friends. Tiffany is my sister to this day. No one have I found who is more like me than Tiffany. The Thursday's at Perkins. I miss those so much. Then her name calling the guy I was dating, "monkey boy". Her very dry sense of humor. The times she spent at the Morristown hospital. I also remember the day she left for Seminary and I missed it. I never got to say goodbye to her. She sang at my wedding and I sang at hers. She was one of my maid's of honor, and I was honored that she was there. I haven't seen her since Homecoming of 2003, and I miss her so much.

Then there's Jen who's the most recent. We shared a pregnancy together. We left her in Arizona. I miss the dinners together and seeing the kids play together. We went to the Christmas parade on the river in 2005, we got there so late we only saw the end of it. HA! It was hilarious. We did the thrift store shopping together. We had the birthday dinner together.

To each of these ladies I share a special bond. One that I will have forever. I stay in touch with each one to a certain extent... we do the emails and forwards and all that. I wish I could see each one and tell them what they mean to me. So instead I'll do it here. Mellissa, the one who taught me what having a best friend is. Brooke, the one who never ceased to amaze me with her ongoing support despite my lack of communication. Tiffany, the sister I didn't get to have. Jen, the one who let me be me and loved me in spite of it. You guys have helped me become who I am today (yes, that's a compliment.) You are my past, my present, and my future and I love you all.

Another birthday

Well another birthday has come and gone. It's interesting to me how with the birth of a child your own birthday gets less and less significant. I want the birthday attention too. I want the birthday party, the friends, the cake, the presents. It's just like Christmas only it's just for me. My daughters birthday is next week. Yet, from my mother I get the answer that she's bringing my card with her when she comes for her granddaughters birthday. No card in the mail and no explanation as to why nothing arrived. I waited the whole week for a card or two in the mail thinking a brother or father or mother would remember and send a card. Nothing. The whole week I waited and all I got in the mail was a card from our Auto Insurance person.

I give extra credit to my hubby who planned an informal party with some people we get together with every week. I got a few cards and some lovely gifts from a great girl. Then the big day arrived on Sunday and my honey took me to dinner. He bought me flowers and did his best to make it a great day. He had to pick up the slack where the other family dropped the ball. What would I have done without him? I did cry... and he held my hand and loved me through it. He listened and then helped me curse my family. :) Ha...

Do Opposites Attract...

... or merely get on each other's nerves? What do you do when one of you likes to read while the other wants to go out and go hiking or play catch? Or what about when one of you wants to watch basketball and the other doesn't care about basketball? Is one person usually doing all the giving in? Do you take turns compromising? Are both of you morning people? Is one neat while the other likes there organized chaos? What was it about that person you found so appealing when you were dating? Does it still appeal to you? Do you even remember what it was? Was it the difference from yourself that you liked? They talked more than you did. Or they smelled different then you. Do they still do what it was you liked so much? Open the car door? Write you cards or poems? What do you do when they stop all the stuff you liked so much? Does that mean the honeymoon's over? Are one of you the "romantic" and the other isn't? What about being huggy and/or touchy feely? Are you both that way? I miss the honeymoon. I want that "la la" phase back again. I want to be starry eyed like I was once. I guess my stars fell out long ago. It's sad in a way. You promise "till death us do part" and then you hit your stride about seven or eight years and you get bored with each other. You've woken up next to the same person for the last 2, 920 days (give or take a few). You know what their walk sounds like. You know their daily rituals almost as well as you know your own. You know their secrets and they know yours. Many of us have been through child birthing together... Lady's, if nothing takes away your mystery, giving birth will.

I guess what it comes down to is commitment and the love you feel for this person. It's easy to remember the bad times. But remember what it was like when they've held your hand when you cried. Or how they support you through your negative self image. I'll always remember the first time he saw his first born. Remember when you woke up in the morning first and just watched them sleep? Or the first time you tried to get in the bathroom in the morning and realized you didn't live alone anymore.. not only that but there is no air freshener anywhere in the house? Change is all a part of life. We grow, we change, we become different people. I hope that we grow and change together and not apart. It's so easy to go and do your own thing and not care if that person is next to you. But who will you share it with when the day is over? Who will you grow old with?

Old friends....

A friend of mine from my high school as well as my pre-school days I found recently. She told me of the loss of her dad. You know how you get that deflated feeling just knowing the world is minus one person you knew? That was how I felt when she told me. I got a flash of memories of her dad. His favorite car. His getting my brother and a neighbor out of tunnel they got stuck in at Chuckey Cheese's at some long ago birthday party. The time they held a summer party back in 1983, he took turns tossing all the kids up in the air in their backyard swimming pool. So many years have come and gone since these memories took place. We all grew up and lived our lives. We experienced change. We have experienced life.

I don't know what to say to my friend. I do know that her dad will be missed.

Here she is...

Well this little one is waking up from her nap. So I must go attend to the diaper that I can smell clear in the next room.

Ta~ta for now!

PT not for the feignt of heart

Well after taking a few days off of the PT (potty training) we're back in it full swing. Today my daughter found her underpants on her dresser so she brought them to me so I would put them on her. We put them on and I tried to let her know she needed to tell me when she had to go peepee or what have you. A little while later I heard the lid on her potty, I thought, "she has the hang of this, this is going to be so much easier then people tell me." Enter daddy. The hubby comes home and we sit down for dinner (she's still in her underpants, not diaper or pull-up). Hubby thinks she has pooped in her underwear, but it ends up being just bubbles (gas). So she comes to me a little later and says something about poopy... so I ask her if she poopooped? She said no, but hubby says take her anyway so off we go. Well I forgot that sometimes she says poopy but MEANS peepee. So she's had an accident in her pants and new underpants. So I take them off of her and put on a new pair. She then walks around the house for a while and a little later is standing by the coffee table over by her daddy. When I hear this mad dripping sound on the carpet. AGH!!!! Daddy jumps up and I start laughing. I can't help it. You should have heard it. It sounded like when our cats use the litter box and the urine hits the litter. Only it's our daughter standing in the living room. HAHA I can't help but laugh. So I told him it was his turn. While he's doing that I clean up the rug... still laughing mind you. Only to have her come back in the room about 10-15 minutes later and want me to pick her up. I told her I would hold her but she wasn't to pee on me. After a few minutes I put her down, I look around her cause she's standing funny and she has peepee running down her leg. I frustratingly say her name and haul her up and take her off to the bathroom. Hubby from the living rooms yells, don't get mad at her. So I start to laugh hysterically at this point. I then replace the underwear with pull ups for the night. I think three pair of underwear is enough to go through in one evening.

All this to say, "WE HAVE TO STAY STRONG... WE WILL SUCCEED... WE WILL NOT LET THIS DEFEAT US." Maybe somewhere along the line I'll convince myself.

Anxiety

It seems that anxiety can manifest itself in many ways. My hubby tells me I am a "Type-A" person. For the most case I don't have any problem with this. Except when it comes to being anxious and forgetting to breath. That's my unofficial term for anxiety-forgetting to breathe. I have to remind myself to slow down my breathing... deep breaths. I took yoga many years ago and they taught me about breathing... last year I was involved in Pilates and experienced the same thing. I am a very go-getter type person. I tend to focus on what I'm doing and forget things around me. I stay up at night trying to fall alseep because of the many things going through my head. Lately I have re-discovered if I slow down my breathing take deep breaths and release all that toxic air that's in my gut then I tend to fall asleep twice as fast.

All this is to lead up to the fact that I have started biting my nails again. I had gone several years without whittling them down to nothing, but I seem to have found myself biting them again. I'm in the process of trying to find the source of my anxiety and go from there. I do believe that nail biting is an outward sign of what's going on internally. I know that I am all twisted up inside I can feel it. But what is causing it is yet to be determined. So please when you read this send a little prayer on my behalf that I an find why I'm anxious and stop biting my nails, and stop eating sugar, and start excercising... and, oh we'll get to the rest later.

Not Now.... a poem

Not Now

One day
I’ll be able to look back
at these times and
smile.

One day
she’ll be old enough
for me to tell her
everything.

One day
she’ll start school and
I’ll have to take her to
kindergarten.

One day
she’ll graduate from school
then she’ll be off for
college.

One day

we’ll give her away
to a boy-a man-
a husband.

One day
she’ll go through labor
she’ll call us
grandparents.

One day
will come soon enough
so I’ll not push her to
grow up.

Nightmares

No one likes to experience that feeling of falling, while either awake or asleep. I remember growing up- having the reoccuring dream where I fell off the monkey bars. It was actually re-living something that had happened. I still see it in my minds eye the hands missing, the free falling through the air, the ground rising up to meet me. It happens everytime in my dream/nightmare. Wakes me up everytime too.. right before I hit the dirt. All this is to say that we have entered the land of nightmares where our daughter is concerned. We are in unchartered territory and we don't know the first thing about how to handle it. She is waking up about 4:30 am and will not go to sleep unless we are with her. She'll sleep in our arms but if we lay her down she wakes up and cries until she is sick and gagging or until we come back in. Which we always do. Last night my hubby slept with her in the chair we keep in her room. He was in there for three or so hours, she was out like a light when he put her down and came crawling back to our bed. It the first time we've slept until 10:00 am in eons. I can't remember the last time I slept that late. See I can't sleep when she's crying in the other room. Breaks my heart. Jilts my nerves. Awakens my senses... everything!

So as we push on through uncertain waters... we embrace this time because we know that time is quickly passing. My little girl will only need me for so long. I want to be there everytime she needs me.

PT

Potty Training... not Physical Training. We have approached the sacred territory of PT. I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. My daughter likes to take off her diaper and run around the house in her skivvies. We're trying to determine if this is just because she can consciously make the decision and actually follow through with taking it off... or if she's ready to start using the big girls potty. Last night she was getting ready for bed and we had the bath water running. She sat outside the door and took her pants off and then had me take her diaper/pull up off. I thought she was heading to the bath but no she headed to her potty. She sat down and looked around and then got up.. and lo and behold she had peed!!!! Woohhooo!!! I yelled as I carried her unclothed self down the hallway yelling and trying to find her daddy. I proceeded to trip on my shoes and fall while still carrying her. She was fine, but I bumped my shoulder on the door frame and banged up my knee. Anyway... we found daddy and we proceeded to dance around yelling how happy we were that she had peed! What a moment!!! Of course we're not sure if this is a one moment thing... but we've "officially" switched to pull-ups. Wish us luck!!!

Napping

Does anyone else miss the days of taking naps? I remember being a kid and my mom making us take naps. Seems back then it was something I just didn't want to do. I would rather stay up and read or bother a brother or anything!! besides sleep. I didn't want to give in to my mom or the blissful oblivion. I now have a daughter who I put down for a nap. Does she like it? Not really. She's reaching the age where she know the routine, where yoyo (yogurt) leads to nap... or yoyo leads to bath which leads to bedtime. So she starts with the whining and the firm, "no." Anyway... back to the subject. Naps. I wish my life were that simple where mom made me take a nap and when I woke up I was refreshed and ready to take on the world again. At least for a few more hours. Being a stay at home mom leaves very little time to yourself. So when the little one(s) are down for the count that's when we party or take a nap of our own. Sometimes we do housework then... but then we're not really having a break that way are we? There are days when I live for naptime. I can get some reading done or check email or yes, I clean sometimes. I dread the day when my daughter will decide that no naps are a good thing. Hopefully that will quickly be followed with kindergarten.

We decided yesterday to take a trip to the capitol city where we live. It was an uneventful trip. We went for a few hours to spend the day together and just get out of the neighborhood for a little while. We were on our way home, but stopped at the gas station to get some snacks for the ride home. Someone pulled up beside us we got there, not someone you'd notice, a young girl in a striped shirt. Easy to dismiss. Maybe too easy. We were getting situated and pulling out when the young girl left the store. We wondered what was up because she had left her car parked. We pulled out to the stop light and just waited our turn to rush back into whatever it is we were doing. The young girl crossed at the light we were sitting at. To our surprise she was taking some food and a drink to one of the young panhandlers that was standing at the light. You could have knocked us both over with a whisper. I was speechless. The comment my husband made was, "You know, I should be doing that." He's right. We sit in our newer car and take the money to go shopping and go out to eat, yet this young lady who couldn't afford it by much, if you look at her car and her clothes, spent the time, effort and money to change someone's day. It reminds me of the story in the Bible where the young woman gives her two mites and Jesus says hers is worth more than the rich men who give, because she gave what she couldn't afford- she gave her all. Sometimes I think I've forgotten what its like to have nothing and give anyway. We get so caught up in wanting more, to live comfortably, to be able to buy what we want when we want it. We forget there are many who don't have anything, but they give anyway. I will always be grateful to this young girl who in a moment of selflessness, showed me a glimpse of Jesus.

You Are My Sunshine, My Only Sunshine

Just sitting here listening to some easy music while I play Scrabble on the computer. The song "You Are My Sunshine" came on and I realized that I use this song just about every day. I sing it to my daughter when I put her down at night as does the hubby. My mother has told me that this is the song she sang to me when I was a baby. I looked up the history of the song on Wikipedia and it was written about 1940. It is also supposed to be the state song for Louisiana. You can read the full history here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/You_Are_My_Sunshine, if you like. I had a cat once when I was in college, she was white and I named her Sunshine. Sadly to say someone took her away.

snowing with the sun out

Living in Montana gives you a new appreciation for snow. I don't think I've seen this much snow in my whole life. We've been here since June and I haven't once complained about the amount of snow we're getting. It's interesting because we get the Chinook winds and it warms up then, a week later the temperature drops and we're getting more snow. It's great! Of course I thought I saw wind when we lived in NC and I experienced my first hurricane. Nothing compared to the winds that come in off the Rockies. Winds recorded at 50-60 mph now that's some wind! The people at the foot of the Rockies have recorded winds close to 100 mph. Not only that but as the title to this blog indicates it snows here while the sun is out. My brother asked me if there was a snowbow... (you know like a rainbow when it rains... I didn't get it either at first). Anyway... snowing with the sun out. Rather an episode to experience... usually it's windy also because the winds are coming in and that's what's pushing the clouds out of the way... yet they're not finished unloading what they came for. Rather interesting.

Just the Blogs M'am

Here we go! This is something new I'm trying. This is a way to practice my creative writing and to have fun while doing it. I encourage anyone to try it. The best part is that with this site the Blogging is FREE!!! No kidding! So pull up a chair, enjoy your coffee, and be sure to let me know how things are going.