Doing it on my own

Well here we are. Four plus months into a six month deployment. It has honestly gone by faster than I imagined. I'm now worried about readjusting back to having a husband instead of worrying about how I'll handle him being gone. Don't get me wrong I'm thrilled he's coming home. No more lonely evenings (although a friend on Yahoo has helped me with that), no more taking care of a sick child while I'm sick also, no more frantically finding a babysitter when I have class on the weekend. Someone to rub my back and hold my hand and to lay next to in bed even when he's on my side. Someone to complain that I haven't vacuumed in a week. Someone to get upset that the house isn't as clean as he'd like. Someone who bought me a diamond ring for our ten year anniversary just because it was what I wanted. Someone who has helped my dreams come true. Someone with smelly ugly feet but a heart as big as the outdoors.

I've missed having him home for so many reasons. Reasons I'll need to remember as I learn how to be a spouse again in a little less than two months.

I thought I would do better on writing on here. You know the journal type thing, but as life took over my memory got shorter and my time was spent doing other things.

It's been an interesting four months. We've been sick with the flu. We've had more snow than I've seen in years. We'll have a white Christmas, which I haven't had since 1986 when I lived in Germany with my parents. We celebrated ten years of marriage on separate continents and in separate time zones. We've skyped and emailed and telephoned. We've had our good moments. We made cookies together and sent some to daddy. We've gone to McDonald's to play and got bitten yet again. We've missed daddy and his presence. We've bonded and gotten a relationship that will only grow, I hope.

I look at my daughter and I cry because I want to hold onto her now and keep her as sweet and caring as she is today. She's funny and intelligent and creative and thoughtful and sassy (her word) and bossy and she has an attitude at times, but I love everything about her. I've learned a lot about her since hubby's been gone. I've learned she likes to sit in my lap and watch SpongeBob after her bath and before she goes to bed. I've learned she can write an awesome "M". I'm learning again how sensitive she is (I wonder who she gets that from). I'm learning how smart she is and how she loves to read. I'm learning that she likes Max & Ruby almost as much as SpongeBob. I've learned that she is a girly girl, she loves dresses and fingernail polish.

I've enjoyed getting to know her these past few months and I hope that when my husband comes home that my bonding with her continues, only now we have to share that time with daddy. I'll be sure and let you know how that goes.

Do Opposites Attract...

... or merely get on each other's nerves? What do you do when one of you likes to read while the other wants to go out and go hiking or play catch? Or what about when one of you wants to watch basketball and the other doesn't care about basketball? Is one person usually doing all the giving in? Do you take turns compromising? Are both of you morning people? Is one neat while the other likes there organized chaos? What was it about that person you found so appealing when you were dating? Does it still appeal to you? Do you even remember what it was? Was it the difference from yourself that you liked? They talked more than you did. Or they smelled different then you. Do they still do what it was you liked so much? Open the car door? Write you cards or poems? What do you do when they stop all the stuff you liked so much? Does that mean the honeymoon's over? Are one of you the "romantic" and the other isn't? What about being huggy and/or touchy feely? Are you both that way? I miss the honeymoon. I want that "la la" phase back again. I want to be starry eyed like I was once. I guess my stars fell out long ago. It's sad in a way. You promise "till death us do part" and then you hit your stride about seven or eight years and you get bored with each other. You've woken up next to the same person for the last 2, 920 days (give or take a few). You know what their walk sounds like. You know their daily rituals almost as well as you know your own. You know their secrets and they know yours. Many of us have been through child birthing together... Lady's, if nothing takes away your mystery, giving birth will.

I guess what it comes down to is commitment and the love you feel for this person. It's easy to remember the bad times. But remember what it was like when they've held your hand when you cried. Or how they support you through your negative self image. I'll always remember the first time he saw his first born. Remember when you woke up in the morning first and just watched them sleep? Or the first time you tried to get in the bathroom in the morning and realized you didn't live alone anymore.. not only that but there is no air freshener anywhere in the house? Change is all a part of life. We grow, we change, we become different people. I hope that we grow and change together and not apart. It's so easy to go and do your own thing and not care if that person is next to you. But who will you share it with when the day is over? Who will you grow old with?