Doing it on my own

Well here we are. Four plus months into a six month deployment. It has honestly gone by faster than I imagined. I'm now worried about readjusting back to having a husband instead of worrying about how I'll handle him being gone. Don't get me wrong I'm thrilled he's coming home. No more lonely evenings (although a friend on Yahoo has helped me with that), no more taking care of a sick child while I'm sick also, no more frantically finding a babysitter when I have class on the weekend. Someone to rub my back and hold my hand and to lay next to in bed even when he's on my side. Someone to complain that I haven't vacuumed in a week. Someone to get upset that the house isn't as clean as he'd like. Someone who bought me a diamond ring for our ten year anniversary just because it was what I wanted. Someone who has helped my dreams come true. Someone with smelly ugly feet but a heart as big as the outdoors.

I've missed having him home for so many reasons. Reasons I'll need to remember as I learn how to be a spouse again in a little less than two months.

I thought I would do better on writing on here. You know the journal type thing, but as life took over my memory got shorter and my time was spent doing other things.

It's been an interesting four months. We've been sick with the flu. We've had more snow than I've seen in years. We'll have a white Christmas, which I haven't had since 1986 when I lived in Germany with my parents. We celebrated ten years of marriage on separate continents and in separate time zones. We've skyped and emailed and telephoned. We've had our good moments. We made cookies together and sent some to daddy. We've gone to McDonald's to play and got bitten yet again. We've missed daddy and his presence. We've bonded and gotten a relationship that will only grow, I hope.

I look at my daughter and I cry because I want to hold onto her now and keep her as sweet and caring as she is today. She's funny and intelligent and creative and thoughtful and sassy (her word) and bossy and she has an attitude at times, but I love everything about her. I've learned a lot about her since hubby's been gone. I've learned she likes to sit in my lap and watch SpongeBob after her bath and before she goes to bed. I've learned she can write an awesome "M". I'm learning again how sensitive she is (I wonder who she gets that from). I'm learning how smart she is and how she loves to read. I'm learning that she likes Max & Ruby almost as much as SpongeBob. I've learned that she is a girly girl, she loves dresses and fingernail polish.

I've enjoyed getting to know her these past few months and I hope that when my husband comes home that my bonding with her continues, only now we have to share that time with daddy. I'll be sure and let you know how that goes.

Prayer Time

There's nothing like listening to your two year old (almost three) saying her prayers. She remembers mommy and daddy (after prompting at previous prayer times). She remembers her school house teacher. She remembers her best friends and her buddy. She remembers the cats Andy, Bailey, and Callie. For a while she remembered her Uncle Bailey when he came to visit. The time is so precious... her little voice is so sweet. I want that time to last forever. I want to videotape her and keep it forever and ever. I want her to stay as little and innocent as she is today. I don't want another baby to go through this again. I just want her. I want her to be my baby forever. She is my love, my little miracle, my little baby.

Nothing New Here...

Just thought I would add some lines to this space. Seems it's been quite a while since I graced it with my presence... HA!

It seems this is birthday month here in our house. I have my hubby's birthday this month. My dad's is next. Then I have a cousin's birthday. Then my oldest brother. Then my step-dad. Then there's Father's Day. At the end of the month my aunt has her day. When I go to the store to buy birthday cards it's like nothing I've ever seen before. Except that I do it every year. Not only that, but I have to buy a birthday card and a father's day card for my husband from our daughter. Sheesh!

Birthday's are a reminder that we're human that our days on earth are numbered. Each day needs to be lived to the fullest. No one knows how many they're given. I wonder what it would be like to know how many days or years you would live. I don't think I could do it. Living your life with that hanging over your head. Many people have done it and many still do. The first that leaps to mind is Jesus. He knew growing up what he was meant to do. He didn't like it, but his opinion didn't matter. Did he do anything wrong? Not really. Kind of like in the wrong place at the wrong time. Do any of you wonder why you were born when you were? Why not in the days of George Washington? or Abraham Lincoln? or Moses? Why now? Anyway... as I was saying... the next people I think of are those men or women in prison. On death row. Those awaiting the death penalty. They know the exact date and time when they will breathe their last. I wonder if any of them think about the fellowship they're in. Those who know when they will meet their maker. (Sorry if this is a little morose... I'm just thinking as I go.) Those men and women get their last supper and their last cigarette. Jesus had a last supper. Course I don't think that's what they called it at the time. They didn't know it would be his last. Where as prisoners do. I don't really know where I'm going with this. Just some thoughts.

I guess I just want to be thankful and appreciative of each moment of my life. Do diets matter in the grand scheme of things? Does our life come down to how much money we packed away in our mattress? Did we love enough? Were we loved? Did we spend our life trying to be something we're not?

Each one of us is special. Each one of us matters to someone. Whether we're on death row or in the nursery at the local hospital.

PT not for the feignt of heart

Well after taking a few days off of the PT (potty training) we're back in it full swing. Today my daughter found her underpants on her dresser so she brought them to me so I would put them on her. We put them on and I tried to let her know she needed to tell me when she had to go peepee or what have you. A little while later I heard the lid on her potty, I thought, "she has the hang of this, this is going to be so much easier then people tell me." Enter daddy. The hubby comes home and we sit down for dinner (she's still in her underpants, not diaper or pull-up). Hubby thinks she has pooped in her underwear, but it ends up being just bubbles (gas). So she comes to me a little later and says something about poopy... so I ask her if she poopooped? She said no, but hubby says take her anyway so off we go. Well I forgot that sometimes she says poopy but MEANS peepee. So she's had an accident in her pants and new underpants. So I take them off of her and put on a new pair. She then walks around the house for a while and a little later is standing by the coffee table over by her daddy. When I hear this mad dripping sound on the carpet. AGH!!!! Daddy jumps up and I start laughing. I can't help it. You should have heard it. It sounded like when our cats use the litter box and the urine hits the litter. Only it's our daughter standing in the living room. HAHA I can't help but laugh. So I told him it was his turn. While he's doing that I clean up the rug... still laughing mind you. Only to have her come back in the room about 10-15 minutes later and want me to pick her up. I told her I would hold her but she wasn't to pee on me. After a few minutes I put her down, I look around her cause she's standing funny and she has peepee running down her leg. I frustratingly say her name and haul her up and take her off to the bathroom. Hubby from the living rooms yells, don't get mad at her. So I start to laugh hysterically at this point. I then replace the underwear with pull ups for the night. I think three pair of underwear is enough to go through in one evening.

All this to say, "WE HAVE TO STAY STRONG... WE WILL SUCCEED... WE WILL NOT LET THIS DEFEAT US." Maybe somewhere along the line I'll convince myself.