Day by day

We're making it through one day at a time. A long time ago I was a newlywed. It will be ten years in December. Holy cow!! I can hardly believe it myself when I think back over the past ten years we've had together. Somewhere along the way I gave my hubby a note. I used to do that a lot. Much more than I do today. Somehow family and work and careers got in the way of our road to happily ever after. We realized this the other day as hubby got ready to deploy. We were holding hands more and watching each. We were sleeping huddled together instead of in our separate corners. This note was a quote from a book a dear friend had given me, The Notebook. This was before it was glamorized on the big screen of Hollywood, back when Nicholas Sparks was just being discovered. Here is what I gave him:

"In times of grief and sorrow I will hold you and rock you, and take your grief and make it my own. When you cry, I cry and when you hurt, I hurt. And together we will try to hold back the floods of tears and despair and make it through the potholed streets of life."

I wish I had written the date on the note so I know when it was given. So as I look back on what was to come after this note, I'll not take him for granted. We lost a daughter after this note. She never made it into the world, but we mourned her as she if she had. We made it through life in the desert, our wilderness experience, out of which came the biggest blessing we've ever seen- our daughter. Career changes have come. Economic lows have come. Now we've arrived at a huge growing experience. Six months of being away from each other. The longest we've ever been apart is ten weeks and then he was only right up the road. This time he's very far off. We're only three days into it. He's my best friend, we tell each other everything. We lay in bed at night and talk about our future together, about our daughter and how fabulous three year olds are. Our plan is to grow old together... "as we make it through the potholed streets of life".

Treasuring those close to you

My hubby and I have been married eight and a half years. Sometimes I can hardly believe it myself. We've experienced a lot of ups and downs in our history together.

We met while he was in college. I had just graduated and was still in the transition period of graduation and real world. Looking for a job. Our first date was May 22. We went to one of the local tourist areas around the college. Had a nice dinner. I started my very first ever official job on July the sixth. Only to come home and have my boyfriend break up with me. I was horrified! It was a Monday. By Friday he was begging me to take him back... no seriously. He couldn't stay away! HA! We went to Wendy's that Friday and we've been together since.

We tell people now that the first year we were married was the hardest we have ever gone through. It still holds true to this day. When you're blending two very independant people and tossing in extra baggage you're sure to come up with some interesting stuff. We survived.

He graduated with his BA in our second year of marriage. Only to have us move to another school for him to work on a Master's Degree. I worked and put him through five years of school. When we were dating there was so much negativity tossed at us because they assumed once we were married he wouldn't finish school. Some friends huh?

We have had some knock down drag out fights. We've pushed and shoved and yelled and cursed. We've said some things that would make your ears turn red. We've been through counseling both before and after we got married. It was probably the best thing we ever did for our marriage.

In 2002 we found out we were pregnant. I cried. I was so not ready to be a mother. I didn't want to do it. When the doctor told me I was horrified. We were having some marital difficulties at the time and we thought this would solve everything. Give us something to put our energy and our love into. I went in for my OBGYN visit and the doc decided to do an ultrasound. He was crazy about the things. Anyway... things didn't look to great. He wanted me to come back the next week. We did. The next visit it was confirmed that we were having a miscarriage. We were devestated. We had finally gotten used to the idea of being parents and were actually happy about it. Now this!! We neither one can remember how we got home that day. My hubby drove us home and I think we never went over 45 mph on the interstate.

That night we had an experience I will never forget. We had an old house that we were renting. We were lucky enough to have a porch swing. I loved sitting on it when it rained. Well it was starting to rain so I went outside. Had my blanket and was swinging and my hubby came out to sit. The rain got heavier and you could hear the thunder coming. As we sat out there on that porch swing we experienced a rain storm like I will never forget. It came in. It surrounded us. It passed us. It was the most spiritual experience I've ever had. God was in that storm. He talked to us and soothed us. We sat there well after it had stopped not wanting the moment to pass. We felt peace. Finally we felt peace.

How do you come back from this? How do you press on? One day at a time. It will be five years this fall since this experience. And I can tell you the whole thing is as real now as it was then.

We have a daughter now. We got pregnant before we moved in 2004. This time it was perfect. We were happy. We knew she would be the icing on the cake... not the glue that held us together. Our daughter we lost was names Eliora (meaning God is my light). We now had a new light.

A lot of time has passed and we have grown. I tell this story as a memory that made me stronger. That made my hubby and I closer.

We both share a love of Nicholas Sparks books. Early on I found a passage that has come to mean a lot to us both. Here it is. It's from The Notebook:

"In times of grief and sorrow I will hold you
and rock you, and take your grief and make it
my own. When you cry, I cry, and when you
hurt, I hurt. And together we will try to hold
back the floods of tears and despair and make
it through the potholed streets of life."