turning green

It seems I do most of my writing late and after everyone else goes to bed.

Something that's been on my mind is the subject of jealousy. I was brought up in a strict Southern Baptist home and was taught that jealousy was a sin. It was very frowned upon and I was made to feel bad about myself as I practiced the trait growing up. It was wrong to envy the girls next door and their Barbie's. It was wrong to want straight hair like my friend at church. It was bad praying to be skinny like so many others on the cheerleading squad. I wanted to sing like my favorite singer and I envied them their fame.

I guess I'm thinking of this because I came face to face with thoughts of jealousy recently. I had not really thought in terms of the word. So many times we say we don't like someone or something because we secretly are jealous of them. I speak this first about myself. We see something in them that we long to be or have. It's much easier to not like them and not have to explain why. When I see someone who is very pretty, how much easier is it to say that I don't like them... simply based on the fact that I'm jealous of their beauty or their talent? Or even their personality. Being a naturally quiet individual I am very envious of people who are at ease with their outgoingness.

I now believe it's just human nature to see something or someone and want to be like them. How else would we challenge ourselves?