What Owns Your Soul?

It's late here. Almost midnight. My hubby and I just had one of those heart to heart deep connecting talks. Talking about death. About living life. Now I have words in my head that want to come out and this is where I choose to unleash it.

How do I want to be remembered? What owns my soul? What owns your soul? Revenge? Sex? That next promotion? Dieting? Depression? There's so many things out there that influence who we are. There are millions of decisions being made every day. Some conscious. What do I wear today? Breakfast? Some unconscious. Get in the right lane to turn. Brush my hair. What is life treating you to? I told hubby tonight that I can completely understand the concept of mid-life crisis. I read it defined as, the time of life when you look back on your life and see if you have accomplished all that you have wanted. Are you content with your lot in life? Do you have regrets? I don't want to get to a point in my life where I have a list of regrets. Yet at the same time. Why have a list? Why aren't we living each day to the fullest and taking things as they come. Why aren't I cherishing each moment I'm given? Why do I feel like I'm waiting for some cataclysmic occurrence to happen before I can feel like I'm living my life? What am I waiting for? To become famous? To be known the world over? WHY??? Why do so many people want to be famous? So that we can be remembered? To have all the money and stress that goes with fame? To be liked? To be envied? I speak all these things to myself before I speak them to you. I ask myself these same things. When I should be asking... how do I want my daughter to remember me? Life is passing me by so fast. I'm missing so much of my daughters life because I'm searching for something I will probably never have. Tonight she was singing happy birthday in the car. She doesn't say all the words yet but she can get out birthday and happy and to you. It was so precious. I wanted to take that moment in time and hold on to it. I want to keep this in my mind forever. Yet I know it will fade and new memories will take it's place. I want her to be this precious and innocent forever.

Our world is constantly telling us that we need to be reaching for the next goal. We need that promotion. Life will be so much better when I am skinny. You too can be skinny if you just take this pill. Why are we never happy in the moment? Can we not cherish what we are? I struggle with this. I'm trying to learn to like me the way I am. I want to work out for the sake of health not because I'm still trying to drop baby weight. I want to realize that the shape I'm in produced the most beautiful little girl I could imagine. She came from me. She's a part of me. She has made me what I am today. I don't want her growing up hearing me complain about how I look. I want to love myself for her sake as well as my own. I don't want her to think that being skinny owns my soul.

I think there may be people who get to the end of their lives and wish they had lived more. Spent more time learning who they are. They wish they had more time to just be themselves. Who cares what demands the world puts on you? Do you think someone wishes they had tried that other diet when they younger? Learning to love yourself for you who you are will be the one thing that helps you through your mid-life crisis.

So again I ask you. What owns your soul?